The Idler, Wednesday, January 23, 2015

Another record century

AB DE VILLERS is the toast of world cricket – a century in just 31 balls. Sixteen 

sixes and nine fours, just one run short of another world record for the fastest 150.

Amazing stuff! And he didn't even want to bat. He wanted David Miller to go in 

ahead of him. This is the stuff of legend.

Who remembers another famous South African century that was a world record? It 

was back in 1957 in the home series against Australia when skipper and opening 

batsman Jackie McGlew achieved the world's slowest Test century.

He took 313 minutes (that's more than five hours) to reach 50 and 545 minutes (nine 

hours, five minutes) to reach 100. Then he stuck around for another half-hour to add 

five more runs.

His record for the slowest Test century was never really broken because in the 1970s 

they stopped timing things that way – it became balls faced instead of time at the 

crease..

Our Jackie believed in taking the shine off the ball then sticking around for the others 

to rack up the runs. He wasn't cut out for Twenty20.

Gutsy

DOUR or otherwise, McGlew was a gutsy opener. I will never forget him facing 

England's Frank "Typhoon" Tyson, the world's fastest bowler – possibly the fastest 

ever – in the gathering gloom at the oval in Maritzburg.

Tyson's run-up began from the sightscreen (the Oval is quite a small ground) and 

several of his thunderbolts hit Jackie on the body. Batsmen had no protective helmets 

in those days, no thigh pads, elbow guards and that kind of thing. 

Jackie didn't flinch. He refused to so much as rub where the ball had hit him He just 

stared back coolly at Tyson. And he survived those overs in the gloom. Sheer guts.

Coach

JACKIE McGlew was a Maritzburg lad who had the benefit of some expert 

coaching. In those days there was a colourful tramp about the place, who had played 

rugby and cricket for Western Province in his younger days. He lurched about the 

city, fully tanked up.

He was known as Coach. He got the name from his habit of stationing himself behind 

the Old Collegians nets when Jackie McGlew was batting: "That's it, Jackie! Keep 

your head down, boy! Watch the elbow! Oh, great shot, Jackie!"

Coach was always full to the gills – yet what he said actually made sense. He was 

never heard to tell Jackie to hurry.

Let-down

BARACK Obama's state of the nation address was a big let-down. In spite of 

informed chatter otherwise, he failed to announce the twinning of Washington with 

Nkandla.

It's a big miss. America could fall behind in world status. They could come to regret 

it.

What will JZ announce in his state of the nation address? There's much chatter that he 

plans to announce the twinning of Nkandla with the Lost City of Atlantis.

But this is malicious stuff that's being spread about by opposition malcontents.

Page 3 Girls

"PHWOAR-R-R! Lookit vat piping on vat bikini ... Wot a pair of brassiere cups ... 

Check vose sequins on 'er bikini pants ... Wot lovely colour co-ordination she 'as 

... vis is much better'n 'em tarts flashin' their Bristols naked-like ... more classy ... 

more sexy ..."

The topless Page 3 Girls of The Sun, Britain's leading red-top tabloid, are no more. 

After 40 years they have been canned (if the expression may be forgiven), yielding to 

pressure from feminists and other groups. 

This week the Page 3 Girls appeared wearing bikini tops and other scanty clothing. It 

seems they will in future be skimpily clothed but more or less covered.

Blimey! Can the Navvy's Comic ever be the same again?

Gap

SO THAT gap in Tiger Woods's teeth was caused by being hit 

in the face by a video camera during a media scrum in Italy?

That's a relief. For a moment I thought his ex-wife had turned 

up.

Tailpiece

IT'S a naval wedding and 12 midshipmen are forming a bridal 

arch with sculling oars.

Little girl: "Coo, Mum, look at them 'andsome sailors and them 

big oars."

Mother: "Them ain't 'ores, luv, them's bridesmaids."

Last word

When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, 

it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has 

merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained. 

Edward R Murrow