Cricket pep talk
"WE stand here on the brink of a titanic battle to be fought on
far away shores of Australia and New Zealand ... the President
commanded me to amplify his marching orders to you the Proteas
troops facing the crucible of war.
"The order from the commander-in-chief is simple/ March on, you
skilful warriors, with De Villiers and Amla in your vanguard! With
your most vigorous Team, your tried and tested coaching and
support Team, 0ver 50 million people in your rearguard, we shall
overcome the maelstrom thrown at us by any advancing opponent.
"This Team selected from our crème de la crème represents a
harbinger of a future social cohesive, non racial and united South
Africa. The Proteas are a product of the visionary endeavours of
Nelson Mandela, Steve Tshwete and Kepler Wessels, amongst
others.
"You are going out there as Team South Africa neither as tokens
nor traitors. You constitute a body of united democratic South
Africa that is in a state of constant change.
"In your veins flows the blood of African warriors and victors who
have tasted victory on countless occasions
"Our detractors and prophets of doom are eating their humble
pie as the fruits of transformation are yielding the desired results.
Those recalcitrant elements in our society who sought to create
a false dichotomy between excellence and transformation are
burying their heads in the sand in shame. For they cannot fathom
nor accept the altruism that excellence and transformation are
intrinsically inter-connected and necessarily mutually inter-related.
"We believe in you, the Protea Team. You should have long
captured the trophy as early as 1992 and 2007. Today we owe
it to our people, erase the sad memories of Bangladesh in 2011
and bring joy to motherland as you bowl and bat for the people
of Mzantsi in this Championship. We will live and die with you – It
is now or never!!! South Africa your time has arrived to conquer the
world stage of cricket."
This was the parting message for the Proteas from Ministyer of
Sport and Recreation Fikile Mbalula. Wow! The Poms and the
others won't know what's hit them. It'll be Isandlwana all over
again.
Baboon visits
MARY Anne Grafetsberger, doughtly defender of the interests of
vervet monkeys and feeder of feral cats, tells me a baboon paid a
visit last Sunday at City Hall, where she works.
City Hall attracts vervets and Egyptian geese and their goslings,
as well as a dassie who has taken up permanent residence. But a
baboon is rather unusual.
He was trying to get into the library, she says, but it was locked, as
it was Sunday.
Whatever can this mean? Was he wanting to peruse Charles
Darwin's The Origin of Species or maybe just bone up on local
government to contest the municipal elections later this year?
High Noon
"Sheriff Haskell stared him down as they stood there faced off in the main drag,
hands aquiver above the leather .. the prairie wind howled, the tumbleweeds
tumbled ... 'Just as well I got me black baseball cap,' mused Haskell. 'Otherwise
me cowboy hat would be tumblin'with them tumbleweeds ...''"
Sheriff Haskell has caused a stir in Sublette County, Wyoming, by stopping his
deputiesn wearing cowboy hats and cowboy boots. Instead he's put them into
black trousers, tan shirts, black boots and black caps.
Las enforcement has to modernise, says Haskell. Cowboy hats blow away in the
wind. Cowboy boots slip on ice.
But one deputy, 70-year-old Gene Bryson, has handed in his tin star. He can't
wear the new duds, he's goin'back to manage his gun store in Marbleton.
Tradition is strong in Wyoming.
Tailpiece
SHE checks into a motel. It's her birthday and she's lonely. She
flips through the telephone directory and finds a section where
hunky guys offer sensual massages.
She selects a fellow calling himself Tender Tony. An absolute
hunk, going by the photograph. She dials his number.
"Good evening, how can I help you?"
"Hello, I'm looking for a sensual massage. No, I'll level with you. I
want sex, hot and heavy. We can go all night. You can cover me
in whipped cream and chocolate. Anything goes! I'm ready! How
does that sound to you?"
"Ït sounds fantastic, ma'am, but you need to press 9 to get an
outside line."
Last word
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
John Kenneth Galbraith
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