Up, up and away!
IN ENGLAND, helium ballooning to "near space" has become all the rage.
A company in Derbyshire has so far sent to an altitude of 36km a variety of
small payloads that include armchairs, hamburgers, Hello Kitty figures (whatever
they might be) , Lego figures, bacon, wedding rings and even a tandoori lamb
chop.
At 36km the balloon bursts in the thin, practically airless atmosphere and the
armchair, tandoori lamb chop or whatever returns safely to earth, suspended by a
parachute.
The helium ballooning cuts out the hideous expense and the danger of the Nasa
and European Space Agency rocket blast-offs. The Derbyshire company – Sent
Into Space – hopes to be offering balloon trips to human beings by 2017.
The enterprise surely deserves support. Perhaps Sent Into Space could be
persuaded to invest in research into non-bursting balloons that just keep on going
– and at the same time offer free trips to politicians, celebrities and the other
tedious personalities who blight the contemporary world.
Grantchester
Stands the Church clock at ten to three?
And is there honey still for tea?
WHO would have expected echoes of Rupert Brooke here in 21st century Durban?
Sure enough, the post office clock stands permanently at ten to three. It might as well
be Grantchester Vicarage, and it seems the enthusiasm for Brooke has been running
for some time.
You don't make much headway trying to find out why. It's always been that way,
one of the poobahs said. It's the fault of colonialism, said another. It's the fault of
apartheid, said yet another. At least it's right twice a day, said a pragmatist.
Sigh! The only answer is to crank the little handle on the cellphone, get through to the
Nkandla exchange and ask them to check what the sundial says.
Waterkloof affair
IT SEEMS the Waterkloof airbase scandal – where a wedding party from India was
allowed to land rather than go through the tiresome formalities of OR Tambo airport –
is not about to go away.
Charges against two scapegoat air force officers have been dropped, but they now
intend suing the state, and the dirty washing is likely to be revealed in court.
As quipped the other evening by local raconteur Spyker Koekemoer – aka Pat Smythe
– at a colloquium in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I knew they were Gupta
something."
Dolly Parton
I AM WARY of writing about blondes. The blondes I know tend to
be vengeful by nature and trained in kung fu.
However, reader Brett Beiles sends in a quote from Dolly Parton:
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde."
Brett points out that Dolly turned 69 the other day. Who would
have thought it?
Who indeed? And a most feisty lady she is. What other singer can
belt out a country number, simultaneously presenting the vivid
impression of two pigs fighting under her sweater? A most talented
entertainer she is.
I refuse absolutely to be drawn into commentary on Dolly Parton's
blondeness or otherwise.
Double standard?
THE European Central Bank announces that it is about to print 60 billion Euros (R802
billion) in junk money. They call it quantitative easing and the whole world cheers.
Our own currency strengthens against the Euro and the dollar.
Yet a small printing shop in Greyville or somewhere runs off a few thousand R200
notes – beautiful quality, just as good as Pretoria – and they call it counterfeiting and
they send the guys to jail.
What exactly is the difference?
Key point
AMONG the national key points in KwaZulu-Natal, released in terms of a high court
order, is the Fort Mistake Transnet pipeline at Ladysmith.
Shouldn't they double-check this one? We don't want another boo-boo.
Tailpiece
"THE wife's in a spot of bother. She whacked this cop when he
tried to ticket her for jaywalking. She's a feminist."
"What's that got to do with jaywalking?"
"She says no little green man or little red man is going to tell her
when she can or can't cross the road."
Last word
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the
universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
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