Heist Down Under
NEWS from Australia. Melbourne police are looking for an individual in blonde
wig, high heels and fishnet stockings – but with a stubbled chin – who threatened
to blow up a McDonald's fast food outlet.
The crossdresser came in and demanded cash, telling staff he had a detonator in
a plastic cup. He got some money then fled the scene, dropping much of his haul
in his haste. CCTV cameras picked him up as he left.
He lost his blonde wig as he fled. Police searched the scene but did not find a
bomb.
Hmmm. There was a streaker at the Melbourne Cricket Ground during the ODI
World Cup match between Australia and England. But the incidents are probably
not related.
Duh?
ALASTAIR Cameron, of Richards Bay, wants to know if he is reading things right.
"Am I correct, in reading The Mercury, that Durban Exco intend spending about
R100 million tendering for an international event, which if they succeed in securing it
they have no idea of what it will cost them?
"Are they perhaps being advised by Eskom?
"There will certainly be no 'common wealth' left to spread about afterwards."
Seam and spin
CAN a bowler convert from seam to spin, then back again?
That's what cricket aficionado Chris Taylor (a fellow member of
the Natal Cricket Society) says he managed back in the days
when he was playing at club level with some top names in the Ou
Transvaal.
He was a new ball quickie with Berea Park, Pretoria, when he
was transferred to Joburg. There he joined Wanderers, which was
awash with quicks.
So he went to the nets, placed a handkerchief on the pitch as
a target, practised legspin diligently and by the opening of the
season was able to offer himself as a spinner. By Christmas he'd
taken 20 wickets.
Then he got transferred again to Durban, where he reverted to
swing.
I'm not sure what Cris is getting at. Is he suggesting that I, an
accomplished legspin bowler (I once took 4 for 32 for the Durban
Press XI against the RAF Red Arrows), should convert to swing?
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing ... who can argue with
Duke Ellington?
Artist
DOES anyone know anything about an artist called A Grieve who
was painting landscapes 70 or more years ago?
Anne Youngleson inherited from her grandmother an oil painting
of the Amphitheatre, in the Drakensberg. It is signed "A Grieve"
and on the back is pencilled "A Grieve, 35B Longmarket Street,
Pietermaritzburg."
"So far I have been unsuccessful in finding out anything at all
about the artist," Anne says.
"I have recently had the painting cleaned, and re-framed. It looks
lovely. I am keen to know more about the artist."
Can anyone out there help?
Apun my word!
THERE was this fellow who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Robot attack
A SOUTH Korean woman woke in agony with a robot vacuum cleaner trying to
swallow her hair. She had fallen asleep lying on the floor of her home in the city
of Changwon and the robot cleaner – apparently they're very popular in South
Korea – went into action, mistaking her coiffure for a ball of fluff.
She called the fire department and it took emergency workers half an hour to free
her from the device – her hair still intact.
Weird and perilous is this 21st
Tailpiece
A COUPLE order Chicken Surprise in a Chinese restaurant.. The
waiter brings it in a lidded cast-iron pot.
She's about to serve herself when the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before
the lid slams back down.
She screams: "'Good grief, did you see that?"
He hadn't. He reaches for the pot and again the lid rises and he
sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down again.
He calls the waiter and asks what's going on..
"Please sir, what you order?"
""Chicken Surprise."
"'Ah! So solly. My mistake! I bling you Peeking Duck!"
Last word
The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't
commit when he had the opportunity.
Helen Rowland
century world.
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