Touchy-feeliness lamented
ARE we losing the sensation of human touch in this computer age? British novelist
Will Self raises it in a recent BBC radio talk in which he compares our current
obsession with the internet with the world of Solaria invented by Isaac Asimov in his
1950s novel, The Naked Sun.
Here a fixed population of humans lived out their days on enormous estates, waited
on by scores of robots. There was a severe taboo against physical proximity of any
kind.
"The Solarians never even occupy the same room together, let alone touch, and any
intercourse between them takes the form of 'holographic telepresence', a sort of 3D
conference call."
How much like Solaria has the current world not become, he asks.
"What the touch screen, the automatic door, online shopping are depriving us of is
the exercise of our very sense of touch itself, and in particular they are relieving us of
the need to touch other people.
"We may not be Solarians yet, but we're getting there. I by no means wish to return
to the sort of hierarchical society in which a gentleman or lady began the day
by being dressed by his valet or her maid. Neither do I wish to feel a warm teat
throbbing in my palm before I can have milk for my morning coffee.
"Nonetheless, I surely can't be alone in feeling a nostalgia for a more touchy-feely
world, or rather one in which what we touch and feel is warm and yielding ..."
A warm teat throbbing ... warm and yielding ... touchy-feely ... Will Self should come out to
Durban and spend an evening at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties. The gals there are so
tactile you have to fight them off with a stick.
Apocryphal anecdote
READER Linda Brooks says (apropos recent Churchilliana) that the lady to whom he said: "And you,
madam, are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning" was Bessie Braddock, not Lady Astor.
Yes, there's something rather apocryphal; about that anecdote. I've seen both versions, Bessie
Braddock (who was a Labour MP) and Lady Astor. Most of the authorities seem to go for Lady Astor.
Bessie Braddock was, as Linda says, rather unattractive. In fact she was enormously fat. And for that
reason I feel Churchill, who was not a cruel man, could not have said something to her so wounding.
Lady Astor, on the other hand, was rather a dish and I feel he could have said it to her, so long as he
was nimble on his feet. But it remains apocryphal.
Bessie Braddock was so fat she was the butt (if the expression can be excused) of all kinds of oafish
jokes. I distance myself entirely from such sexist, size-ist male chauvinism. Bessie Braddock was a
diligent, sincere, hard-working MP, which is why she occupied three seats in the House of Commons for
so long.
Bank charges
A BANK that was set up in the Chinese city of Nanjing looked like any other state-
owned bank. It operated for more than a year.
But it's now turned out it was not a bank at all and has swindled its clients – who
it promised interest of 2% per week - out of 200 million yuan (about R330 million),
which its "directors" have now taken to then gambling resort island of Macau.
But their ledger fees weren't too bad.
Country agog
WITH the country agog as to what JZ might say next Thursday, Ian Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest,
pens some lines.
Its called the State of the Nation Address,
Will the President relieve our worry and stress?
'Well,' says Julius,
'That's highly dubious,
'It will only increase government's mess.'
Tailpiece
PADDY goes into a pharmacy and takes from his pocket a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle on to the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
"Could yez taste dis for me, please?"
The chemist puts the teaspoon to his mouth, swills the liquid about and swallows.
"Does dat taste sweet to you?.
"No, not at all," says the chemist shuddering.
"Oh good. Dat's a huge relief. De doctor told me I might be diabetic and said to come here and get my
urine tested for sugar."
Last word
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty
little beast.
WS Gilbert
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