The Idler, December 12, 2014

Money to burn

HERE'S the answer to the Eskom crisis. Just follow the example of 

a city in China and burn banknotes to drive the power generating 

plants.

That's what they're doing in Luoyang, in the province of Henan. 

They're burning old banknotes instead of coal. One ton of notes 

generates more than 600 kilowatts of electricity and it produces far 

less in the way of damaging greenhouse gases than coal does 

Luoyang plans to generate 1.32 million kilowatts of electricity a 

year, burning banknotes.

But isn't this a bit expensive?.Not in Luoyang's case. The 

banknotes that are being burned are old or damaged and have 

been withdrawn from circulation. They would have to be burned 

anyway.

In our case we probably don't have that quantity of old and 

damaged notes. But we do have plenty of cash around. Just 

l;ook at the bonuses the Eskom fatcats and other parastatal 

companieshave been drawing all these years.

Make them draw it all in cash and feed it into the furnaces. Let's 

get value for our money. Generate electricity. I knew membership 

of Brics would pay off.

Lively debate

ON THE topic of electricity production, a lively debate has 

developed between proponents of the nuclear option – JZ is said 

to be toying with a modest $50 billion investment – and proponents 

of wind-driven turbines.

What happened to the hydro-electric option? From the late 1940s 

to the 1980s, hydrologists, engineers, geographers, economists 

and agriculturists were plotting the potential of the Tugela Basin, 

here in KZN, which was said to have the potential to power 

something the size of Greater London.

PhDs were earned; careers were served in the old Natal Town and 

Regional Planning Commission. The studies were all published.

The Department of Water Affairs identified 22 hydro-electric sites. 

It had plans for catchment transfers from the Eastern Cape – 

megaprojects that would have created vast employment.

Were they on a wild goose chase? Or has all this effort and 

expertise disappeared, forgotten, like the learned writings of the 

ancient Aztecs?

Fifty billion smackers – that's a lot of banknotes to burn.

Speed train

MEANWHILE, reader Danny Robinson is enthusiastic about the 

high-speed train planned to link Durban with King Shaka airport 

and with Joburg.

"This development would definitely put Durban on the map.

But it begs the question. What power would the system use?

"Not electricity surely."

 

Two patients

A MISSIVE arrives from the Hluhluwe Club. It concerns 

two patients who limp into two different clinics with the 

same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to 

require a hip replacement.               

The first patient is examined within the hour, is X-rayed 

the same day and has a time booked for surgery the 

following week.

The second sees his family doctor, waits eight weeks to 

see a specialist, then gets an X-ray, which isn't reviewed 

for another week and he finally has his surgery scheduled 

for six months on.

Why the different treatment?

The first patient is a Golden Retriever. The second is a 

senior citizen.

"Next time take me to a vet!" says the Hluhluwe Club 

source.

I don't quite agree. It's most undignified the way they take 

a golden retriever's temperature.

Hip-hop

THE CIA really have been making heavy weather of 

attempts to destabilise the regime in Cuba.

There was the Bay of Pigs fiasco in 1961, when a CIA-

trained invasion force from Guatemala was defeated in 

three days. 

Since then the CIA is said to have toyed with plots such as 

exploding cigars, to blow up in Fidel Castro's face, and the 

subtle administering of toxins to make his beard fall out.

Now it turns out the CIA tried to infiltrate Cuba's 

underground hip-hop network – recruit rappers who would 

subtly spread a message for social change.

The grand hip-hop strategy – hey, bitch! That's 

desperation.

Nuts

HEY, nuts! A young lady named Cho Hyun-ah disapproved 

of the way the macadamia nuts were being served on a Korean 

Air flight about to take off at JFK airport, New York. She ordered 

the plane back to the terminal. Who is this Miss Cho? She's the 

daughter of the Korean Air chairman.

I wonder if she knows the Guptas.

Tailpiece

BEFORE you criticise anyone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you 

criticise them you're a mile away and you've got their shoes.

Last word

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. 

Sydney J. Harris