Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Idler, Monday, December 14, 2014

Vladivostok fatcat

CHRISTMAS is coming, the geese are getting fat ... or in this 

case it's the cat. A ginger stray had himself a gourmet feast at 

Vladivostok airport, in Russia, when he managed to get inside the 

glass-encased fish counter.

There he feasted on squid, dried octopus and other delicacies, 

filmed by airport staff.

The owner of the fish store had to scrap the entire contents of the 

shelf the cat had taken over, at a loss to himself of 60 000 roubles 

(about R11 000) but for the cat it's the big time.

The footage of him chowing contentedly away has been posted 

on the internet. He's a sought-after celebrity and the airport has 

received several letters offering him a home.

I'm like a one-eyed cat, peepin' in a seafood store ... yep, Bill 

Haley might as well have written it for Vladivostok.

.

More bonding

THE other day we had the account of the Irishman bonding with 

his son for their first pint together – and being hardly able to push 

the pram home afterwards.

It reminded reader Val Johnson of her son's first "legal pint" with 

his dad on his 18th

It was just after 4pm and they were the first customers of Mani, the 

long-service and highly respected barman. He put a bottle and a 

glass in front of each of them.

Father filled his glass and raised it. "Cheers, James! Happy 

birthday!". 

"Thanks, Dad." And James picked up his bottle and took a long 

swig (the way these kids do).

 birthday.

He met the frozen disapproval of Mani. From the bottle - in the 

Durban Club!

James filled his glass from the rest of the bottle and gave

a sheepish smile. Mani gave an approving nod.

Not a word was exchanged. But you mind your Ps and Qs with 

those barmen at the Durban Club.

Old Boet

RETIRED headmaster and swashbuckling club cricketer Tom 

Lambert – formerly of Maritzburg – brings us a rugby story from 

the old days up in the capital when the fellows still got together for 

a few pints after the match.

"Boet Wessels was a passionate rugby man and was appointed 

referee for his first Currie Cup match, between Natal and Northern 

Transvaal.

"He was understandably nervous. Before the game he was warned 

by several knowledgeable rugby fanatics to watch out for the 

fiery, temperamental and illegal scrumming of Northern Transvaal 

hooker Jan Lotz.

"At the first scrum of the match, Boet blew his whistle hard, 

wagged a finger at Jan Lotz and gave a penalty to Natal.

"At the cocktail party for the teams and officials after the match 

(they used to have those parties in the old days) Boet was asked 

about that first penalty and what Jan Lotz had done wrong.

"To hoots of laughter, Boet replied: 'You know I don't really know 

what he did but he just didn't do it again.'"

Yes, them were the days. Boet Wessels was one of the 

characters of the town.

Now it's water

A WATER shedding programme for Durban, to go with the 

electricity? Exciting times in which we live.

Slogan: "Save water – shower with a friend!"

Two little boys

TWO Israeli boys, aged 12 and 13, tried to hold up a bank with toy guns. 

CCTV cameras picked them up as they came into a Tel Aviv bank wearing 

hooded tops and carrying fake M-16 assault rifles. One had a school satchel on 

his back.

They shouted: "This is a hold-up!"" then lost their nerve and ran.

The kids were identified from the security footage and later arrested. They have 

appeared in court, though there is an outcry over this heavy-handed approach.

Does this story take the prize for stupidity or scariness?

Pies

BAKERY sign: "Pies like mother used to bake them – R10. 

Ordinary pies – R20."

Tailpiece

A REPUBLICAN, a Democrat and Bill Clinton are travelling in a car 

when a tornado suddenly whirls them into the air. When they come 

to rest again, they realise they're in the Land of Oz. They decide to 

visit the Wizard.

Democrat: "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."

Republican: "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."

Clinton: "Where's Dorothy?"

Last word

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still, nine cases out of ten 

someone will intercept it before it reaches you. 

Calvin Coolidge

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