Great freeloading tradition
IN VARSITY days, there was a fellow who used to put on a suit every Saturday
and go to church. There he'd hook up with whatever wedding was on, then with
the reception afterwards.
There he'd get a bit plastered, have some great eats and meet some lovely girls.
It was a great wheeze. Nobody ever challenged him, presuming he was
connected to the other family.
Now a law student in Spain has been continuing the great tradition. Francisco
Nicolas Gomez Iglesias has been gatecrashing government and diplomatic
He aims high. He even managed to gatecrash the coronation ceremony of King
Felipe VI, where he was photographed shaking the monarch's hand.
But he was rumbled recently when he tried to get into a diplomatic party at the US
embassy in Madrid, and was blocked (Drat these pesky Yanks). The Spanish police
investigated further and a search of his digs turned up fake government vehicle
permits, a police siren and official Civil Guard and National Police number plates.
It seems he has successfully passed himself off at various times as a senior
government official, a secret service agent and a special advisor to the deputy prime
minister. He's consumed a lot of caviar.
That's not bad for a 20-year-old student. Francisco now faces charges of fraud,,
forgery and impersonation. But the Spanish public have rallied to his support. The
newspapers have dubbed him "Little Nicolas", after a fictional naughty schoolboy,
and presumably photoshopped pictures are appearing on the internet of him in the
company of Pope Francis and Darth Vader.
Maybe King Felipe will come to his rescue.
AN INDIGNANT message comes this way from the US.
"As I got ready to pay for my purchases of gunpowder and bullets,
the cashier said: 'Strip down, facing me.'
"Making a mental note to complain to the National Rifle Association
about gun control wackos, I did as she had instructed.
"When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found
out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the
"I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to
make their instructions a little clearer for seniors.
"I still don't think I look that bad."
If all the young maidens were fish in the ocean,
Then I'd be a shark and I'd cause a commotion ...
YESTERDAY'S picture of a shark leaping out of the water at Coff's
Harbour, Australia, recalled the old rugby song.
Okay, they weren't exactly young maidens, they were mums of the
Coff's Harbour Boardriding Club in a surfing competition. But they
certainly beat it back to shore in a hurry.
Unfortunately, we don't have the shark's point of view: "Cripes, mate, there I am
swimming along all innocent when I see this pack of sheilas paddling at me in
bikinis, full speed, headlight s blazing. Got such a fright I jumped clean out of the
CHRISTMAS is a time for the kids so this week St Clement's came
briefly out of recess for a bit of childishness and a few glasses of
Actually the occasion was the launch of compere Pieter Scholtz's
latest children's book, Manti's Miracle (Horus Publications), which
features, among other things, a little girl called Manti, the Hindu
festival of Divali, a talking cat (but it talks only during Divali) and
two scarecrows who come to life, one of them a fellow named
Percival Piston who is made of parts from a junkyard.
If all this sounds a little far-fetched, remember it's a kids' book
and I'm sure they'll find it a lot of fun. And it's nothing like as far-
fetched as some of the dinner table conversation you get at St
The weekly soiree re-assembles in February. Meanwhile, Pieter is
negotiating a fancy treehouse at Eshowe – he's perfectly serious
about this – and heading to Canada for Christmas.
Our Pieter fancies unconventional digs. No doubt he'll be staying
in an igloo.
A WOMAN gives birth to triplets. All are boys. She's breastfeeding
one evening when the one who has to wait his turn says: "Hey
Mudda. What about da udda for da udda brudda?"
He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is
method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical.
G K Chesterton