The frogs are back
THE frog chorus has returned. At the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties the other
evening, a bellowing and croaking from a small pond in the beer garden suddenly
drowned out all conversation (which at the Street Shelter can be no bad thing).
Heads swivelled toward a well-known city advocate who is widely believed to be
a ventriloquist of frog sounds. But he stoutly denied any responsibility at all and
threatened to sue any accuser for libel.
At which the frog chorus went silent. Ah, the majesty of the law.
Where from?
BUT where do these critters come from? There are no rivers, marshes or ponds
anywhere near the Street Shelter.
The beer garden pond is so tiny that wild duck don't alight there with frog spawn
attached to their feathers (though the bouncers did the other night have to throw out
an ostrich who was causing a ruckus at the bar counter. But ducks - no).
The last frog chorus, a month or so ago, was scooped into buckets and deposited in
Bulwer Park, which is quite a distance. Have they been hopping back? Do they have a
homing instinct?
The Guvnor believes they come from Musgrave Centre (I don't know why). He's
never seen them squashed on the roads so he believes they hop along the pavements
and activate the "green man" at the crossings.
It's a great mystery. As is the practice of ventriloquy.
Look you, boyos!
WHAT can one say but "Cymru am byth – Wales forever!" Leigh Halfpenny is
now rated Fourpence.
A tough, hard-fought game, to be sure, strewn with errors and one we never
looked like winning. Not a single try, either side.
But that's showbiz. Yet again, a result that shows a narrowing of the north-
south gap in international rugby. Likewise with England beating the Aussies
after coming so close against us and the All Blacks.
It looks like being an absolute humdinger at the World Cup in England next
year. The bookies must be scratching their heads.
More tips
LAST WEEK WE DISCUSSED THE Supreme Court judge who was mistaken for
a lavatory attendant as he sat on a chair in the gents' taking a snifter from his
duty-free cognac and waited for his connecting flight from Johannesburg to
Durban. He collected a significant amount of cash in tips in that time.
It reminds reader Colin Hiles of the time he and some pals took their wives
to dinner at the Durban Club. They were friendly with the maitre d' and
arranged to meet him afterwards at the Maharani for a nightcap.
"He duly arrived, resplendent in his Durban Club maître d' formal dress, just
as the guests at a large banquet were leaving the banqueting venue. Polite
as ever, he stopped to let them pass.
"A gentleman pressed a R5 note into his palm. This was followed by more
such gratuities. When he arrived at the bar to join us he said: "I've just been
given R60 in tips so I guess the drinks are on me".
Judges, maitres d' ... I fancy I saw a couple of them at a robot the other day.
Shova!
IN THE local taxi industry you will now and again see the passengers get out and give
the vehicle a push start. It's part of the system
In Siberia the other day, passengers had to get out of a Tupolev aircraft and push
it down a frozen runway before getting in again to fly off.
It was captured on video and posted on the internet. The temperature was minus
52 C. Passengers in thick winter coats are heard shouting: "Let's go!" and:
"Everyone wants to go home!" as they put their hands on the wings of the plane
and shoved it along.
The freeze had apparently immobilised the aircraft's taxi-ing capacity but once
out on the runway it took off without any problem.
Fifty-two degrees below – and you have to get out and push. Siberia is not for
sissies.
Tailpiece
"SO HOW was the fancy dress do?"
"Bad build-up. I texted my husband to tell him to get home, I'd made myself
a 'naked lady' costume."
"He texted me back that he'd prefer a 'lady making dinner' costume."
Last word
The world only goes round by misunderstanding.
Charles Baudelaire
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