Strange and stirring times
TUNISIA, Egypt ... which will be the next domino to fall as protesters take to the streets in Algeria, Libya, the Yemen and Bahrain? Or might it perhaps be Silvio Berlusconi in Italy as women take to the streets in their thousands protesting against his sexual proclivities, including an alleged dalliance with an under-age prostitute.
Berlusconi has been cutting a colourful dash for years now with his escapades, including lavish parties at his home, to which all kinds of starlets and showgirls are invited. But the legal ramifications could now trip him up.
Will he go to the country, appeal to the machismo of the Italian male? The indications are that many Italians enjoy his antics. Opinion polls still place his party and its allies way ahead of the opposition who are so incensed by his behaviour. It could turn out embarrassing.
Strange and stirring times we live in.
PRIVATE Eye, the British satirical magazine, has been running a series of Italian opera highlights featuring Berlusconi as the Robber Baron and set in his home, the Palazzo Fornicazzione.
"The Robber Baron is besieged by a chorus of dancing girls, courtesans and female members of the European Parliament, angrily accusing him of seducing their virtue in return for large sacks of gold.
"A trio of the fallen women, Signorinas Bunga Bunga, Rumpi Pumpi and Lotta Totti, sing the haunting aria, Mille et tre ("How on earth could he have sex with 1 003 of us in one night?")
"There is a clap of thunder and Pope Benedict appears on a throne above the stage. He issues an anathema on the Robber Baron, warning him that he will be dragged down to hell and eternal damnation unless he repents and changes his ways ...
"But the Baron is unafraid and laughs him to scorn. He sings Just One Pornetto and rings up for yet another agreeable 22-year-old companion to be delivered to the Palazzo Fornicazzione, this time dressed as a nurse in order to reflect Silvio's concern for the state of Italy's health services ..."
A THAI couple have broken the world marathon kissing record with a smooch that lasted 34 hours and 50 minutes. It was a gruelling contest in the town of Pattaya, in which 14 couples originally entered.
The rules of engagement were strict. No break-off was permitted. The couples took liquid through straws in the corner of the mouth, the kiss continuing. It even continued when they had to answer a call of nature.
Just as well a dog didn't walk in. He'd have thrown a bucket of water over them.
A WEDDING Cake that was baked 113 years ago has been presented to a museum in England. The four-tier cake was baked by Philpotts, a family bakery, in 1898 and stood in the display window. It developed a crack in one side from a bomb blast during World War II and was stored in an attic when the firm closed in 1964.
It was has now been donated to the Willis Museum in Basingstoke.
The icing has turned brown and a syringe test shows the fruit cake is still moist inside though not edible. I guess it won't make it to William and Kate's nuptials.
NEWS from Oz. Surveillance cameras at a toyshop in Perth picked up a man slipping a laptop computer under his jacket. Confronted, he knocked down a shop assistant, pulled a knife and ran for the door.
Outside he ran into four troopers of the Australian Special Air Service who were collecting toys for charity. They grabbed him and overpowered him, but he managed to stab one of the troopers, inflicting a not very serious flesh wound.
The shoplifting suspect was taken to hospital by ambulance with two broken arms, a broken leg, broken ribs, a broken nose, a broken jaw and various lacerations.
He is believed to have tripped. Very clumsy these Australian shoplifters.
HUSBAND: "what would you do if I won the Lotto?"
Wife: "I'd take half, then leave you."
Husband: "Great! I won R12. Here's R6 - now get lost!"
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.