Alien spacecraft? Competition commissioners?
TWO MORE people report seeing red lights in the sky. Bridget Lee, of Durban North, saw them last Saturday night about 8.30. Llewellyn van Wyk reports seeing a very bright red light in the sky near his home at Waterfall a few weeks ago. It disappeared into cloud as he called his neighbour to look.
Bridget says the lights came from the direction of Umhlanga.
"It's difficult to tell at night but they appeared to be about the height of a microlight and were travelling at about the speed of a microlight but they were silent.
"They travelled from a north-easterly direction and disappeared from our view going toward Moses Mabhida Stadium.
"We must have seen about 15 of them in the time that we were watching. Looking through binoculars they were the shape of a teardrop, with a flame inside. We wondered whether they were balloons but no balloon we know of would be able to accommodate a flame."
This gets more and more mysterious. Moses Mabhida? Could these be alien spacecraft that mistook the stadium for the mother ship? Was it the Competition Commission on a secret recce to investigate bid-rigging and collusion in the building of Moses Mabhida?
So far we've heard nothing from the Bluff. I suppose it's reassuring that the Groot Padda is not involved.
New capability
DEMONSTRATORS continue to surge about the streets of Cairo. A problem arises. What now? Twitter, Facebook and e-mail in general have whistled up the decent folk of Egypt. Where do they go from here?
It's remarkable. Cyber technology has provided humanity with something akin to whatever it is that makes large flocks of birds wheel in unison without any apparent command; that gets vast herds of wildebeest to gather instinctively then gallop together across the plains.
Or – worryingly – that induces vast numbers of lemmings to gather and fling themselves off cliffs en masse, into the sea.
Strange and disturbing times.
Doctors speak out
THE BRITISH Medical Association has expressed itself on changes to the national health service proposed by Prime Minister David Cameron.
The allergists voted to scratch it; the dermatologists advised no rash moves.
The gastro-enterologists had a gut feel, but the neurologists thought the government had a nerve.
The obstetricians felt the government was labouring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled: "Over my dead body!" Paediatricians said it was time to grow up.
Psychiatrists thought the idea was madness; radiologists could see through it.
The surgeons said: "No cuts!" Ear, nose and throat specialists wouldn't swallow it, nor would they hear of it.
Pharmacologists thought it a bitter pill. Plastic surgeons said: "This puts a whole new face on things."
Podiatrists thought it a step forward; anaesthetists thought the whole idea a gas; cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end the advice of the proctologists was followed: Leave it to the bums in Whitehall.
Bargains galore
HERE are some classified advertisements that appeared in a British newspaper:
· Free Yorkshire terrier - Eight years old; hateful little bastard. Bites!
· Free puppies – Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbour's dog.
· Free puppies - Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a superdog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
· Cows, calves: never bred - Also one gay bull for sale.
· Joining nudist colony - Must sell washer and dryer, £100.
· Wedding dress for sale - Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
· For sale by owner - Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Think it through
A PENGUIN found washed up on a beach in Peru, has been named Tomas by his rescuers, who now plan to reunite him with his colony on an offshore island.
It's admirable. But have Tomas's rescuers thought this through?
He might well be a hippy, a penguin who deliberately left the colony because he was sick and tired of wearing a dinner jacket. Maybe what Tomas needs is a set of denims.
Tailpiece
"Oi! You're wearing an earring."
"It's no big deal."
"'Ow long 'ave you been wearing it?"
"Since me wife found it in the cab of me van."
Last word
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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