May history repeat itself
Oh, my island in the sun,
Natal 16 and Transvaal none ...
I RECALL writing this last time there was the same square-up at Ellis Park for the Currie Cup, back in the days before the Ponytails unilaterally altered rugby terminology and tradition.
That was the time most of the pundits were giving the result to Transvaal. It was the time Andre Joubert and Jeremy Thomson executed that brilliant scissors movement in midfield that brought us from behind and set us off on a pulsating spree.
May history repeat itself. We need a bit of respite from the trauma of the World Cup. Durban is itching for a party.
We can do it. As Plummers says, we must forget that whupping we gave them a few weeks ago. Rugby doesn't work by linear calculations of that sort. It's the 80 minutes on the day. We can do it. We will do it.
Oh, my island in the sun,
Sharks 16, the Lions none ...
This is, of course, the half-time score.
A READER sends in some lines from the Hollywood Squares game show of long, long ago. They're classics. Peter Marshall was questionmaster. The answers were absolutely unscripted and off-the-cuff.
· If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? - Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
· You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? - Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
· According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? - Rose Marie: No wait until the morning.
· What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? - George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
· In bowling, what's a perfect score? - Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
· It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? - Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
· According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? - Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
· It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? - Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
· Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? - Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
· According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? - Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Twenty million bees
THE BUZZING of the bees in the cigarette trees ... A highway in the American state of Utah was closed after a lorry carrying at least 20 million bees overturned, freeing them.
The bees were being transported to California to pollinate an almond crop. The driver and his wife, who was with him, weren't hurt in the accident but were badly stung when they emerged from the cab. So were two police officers on the scene.
Interstate 15 was closed down for several hours while local beekeepers worked overnight to recapture the bees but without much success. Most had made a beeline elsewhere.
Who can imagine 20 million bees? I once knew a fellow who kept bees out at Richmond. He took the most elaborate precautions when robbing a hive – heavy corduroy trousers tucked into his boots; closely zipped anorak; heavy gloves; veil; a smoker to sedate them. Nothing was left to chance, the little critters couldn't creep in anywhere.
Then one day he forgot to do up his fly. Twenty million? One bee was all it took. Eina!
WHICH recalls another story from rural America. Reub and Abner were running from an orchard where the farmer had surprised them stealing apples. They seemed also to be pursued by a swarm of bees.
Reub: "Drat these bees buzzin' round!"
Abner: "Them ain't bees, them's buckshot!"
THIS dyslexic fellow walked into a bra …
The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.