The Idler, Wwednesday, October 26

Bad percussionist   AN INSISTENT staccato rapping came from the aluminium awning by the poolside. It had no particular rhythm but it went on and on.   On investigation it turned out to be an Indian mynah with a small stone in its beak. Now I'd seen everything. Was this bird a bad percussionist or was it just playing a kind of tok-tokkie?   Then suddenly the "stone" burst into small pieces. In fact it was a cube taken from the dog's bowl.   Okay, it turned out it wasn't an Indian mynah shaping up to become drummer in a band but I think the incident does illustrate a high degree of intelligence. The hadedahs swallow the cubes whole with no difficulty, being such large birds, the ringneck doves swallow them whole with great difficulty and, I imagine, a degree of discomfort. The little laughing doves don't even try.   But the mynahs take the cube onto the roof and bust it to bits. This is intelligence.   As in this account from Frederick, Maryland, in the United States.   A fully automated car wash company – where patrons drove through, paid cash and were dispensed change – was losing money. Somebody was stealing cash from the change machine, they suspected. They set up cameras to trap the culprit.   It turned out to be a whole bunch of glossy, starling-like birds (the species is not named) who were climbing right into the change-dispensing machine and emerging with two or three 25-cent pieces in their beak at a time.   The carwash owners subsequently found $4 000 worth of quarters on the roof of the building and a whole lot more under a nearby tree. Again, a high degree of intelligence. These starlings didn't go and blow it on junk investments in the subprime market, they let it accumulate.   From now on I keep a close watch on the Indian mynahs. I'd always assumed when they ventured into the kitchen that they were after food. But it could be they're after the beer money.

 

 

Streetfighters

 

INDIAN mynahs are, of course, part of the fabric of Durban. At Kingsmead, they dive-bomb fielders on the boundary. The late and great Jock Leyden featured them in his cartoons (one of which hangs in Buckingham Palace). This led on to formation of the Kingsmead Mynahs, a noted invitation side who have their own section of grandstand at the ground.

 

But what brawlers they can be (the birds, that is, not the cricketers). Every now and then you will see numbers of them scrapping on the ground, usually between six and eight at a time, screeching, flapping, rolling about.

 

I've often wondered at this phenomenon. There doesn't seem to be anything sexual about it. I always assumed the Mynahs were just natural hooligans, streetfighters.

 

But now it seems they might be fighting over a 10-cent piece.

 

Knit one, pearl one …

 

Police are said to be hunting a "knitting needle nutter" who has stabbed
six Berea shoppers in the buttocks in the past 48 hours. Detectives believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

 

Routine incident

FIREMEN wearing breathing apparatus had to rescue Manchester City footballer Mario Balotelli from his bathroom in Macclesfield last weekend after a firework went off in it, starting a blaze.

Balotelli escaped unharmed and the police say they are not treating the incident as suspicious.

Of course not. Don't we all set off fireworks in our bathrooms as Guy Fawkes approaches?

 

Salad days

 

SPEAKING of which, I bought some rocket salad the other day. But it went off before I could eat it.

 

 

Got the T-shirt

 

I MET A Nepalese sherpa the other day. A fascinating fellow. He's climbed the highest peak in every continent. In the course of his travels he's swum with sharks and wrestled bears. His name: Bindair Dundat.

 

 

 

Tailpiece

A COUPLE are lying in bed together on the morning of their 10^th wedding anniversary.

She: "Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think it's time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years."

He: "My love, you've been a perfect wife for 10 years, I can't hold your past against you."

She: "I don't think you understand. My name was Koos and before the sex change I played rugby for the Springboks."

 

Last word

 

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Lily Tomlin