World Cup blues
IT'S WITH a feeling of emptiness that we follow what remains of the Rugby World Cup. It's not just being blown out. How, with such overwhelming possession and such overwhelming territorial advantage, and with Australia reeling in confusion much of the game, did we fail to put points on the board? Something is seriously lacking.
Reader Gray Braatvedt suggests that Kiwi referee Bryce Lawrence is South Africa's own Osama Bin Laden. But I think he is being unduly harsh.
You've got to remember that Aussie flanker and illicit ball-stealer David Pocock comes from a long line of convicts and criminals, whose modus operandi included a mesmerising of police officers to avoid detection and arrest.
So when Pocock stole the ball illegally from a ruck with his hands, right under his own posts and one pace away from Lawrence – which ought to result in a yellow card plus a penalty – the ref was in a mesmerised trance.
It will be interesting to see Pocock up against Ritchie McCaw tomorrow, possibly the only player in the world who can rival him as an illegal ball-stealer. In fact it would not be surprising if the two of them were to end up singing soprano.
It's been a bad few days, but let us not repine. Saru will no doubt come to their senses and sign up Nick Mallett before England do.
Er, they will come to their senses ... won't they?
Chicken recipe
SOME of you will remember Alf Taylor, Chief Constable of the old Durban City Police. Alf is now living in Scotland in retirement. Today he shares with us his Easy Chicken Recipe, which has popcorn as a stuffing.
Says Alf: "When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me who are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked but not dried out. Give it a try."
The recipe:
1 chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup uncooked popcorn
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing mixed with popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's backside blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room and lands on the table, it's done and ready to eat.
Thank you, Alf. I can't wait to try it.
Sexism, chauvinism …
THESE stock exchange executives and pastrycooks need to be given a few lessons in manners and the appropriate treatment of women in this day and age.
In Sandton, Russell Loubser, chief executive of the Johannesburg Stock Exchange, had the effrontery to whack journalist Lisa Steyn across the bottom with a rolled-up press release and say: "You're late!" as she walked into a media conference after it had begun.
And in London – you won't believe this! - Phillip Schofield and curvaceous Holly Willoughby were co-hosting a television cookery demonstration.
Holly - who was in a form-fitting red dress - turned her back on him for a moment, at which Schofield, who'd had his hands dipped in flour, seized her curvy rear, planting a floury white imprint of a hand on each cheek.
Holly's startlement was matched only by Schofield's mirth. He later put the whole thing on Twitter.
Heh, heh ... er, ahem! Fie! What do these bounders think they're up to? In what century do they think we're living? Why do they so perpetuate the crude, sexist, stereotypical platitude of spanking or seizing the feminine derriere?
Stick to the Dow Jones, sir! Stick to rolling pastry! Life is serious!
Tailpiece
THE SHERIFF is astonished to encounter a cowboy walking down the main drag wearing nothing but his Stetson and his gunbelt.
"What's the meaning of this, Cowboy? I'm gonna book ya for indecency."
"It's like this, Sheriff. I met up with that red-haired bint in the saloon. She takes me to her trailer. Things get steamy. She gets her gear off. She gets my gear off."
"And so?"
"Then she says: 'Go to town, Cowboy, go to town!' And here I am, Sheriff."
Last word
A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
James H Boren
No comments:
Post a Comment