Bull on the rampage
WHERE did this bull think he was? In a chinashop? It happened on market day in the small Irish town of Kinscourt, County Cavan.
One moment patrons of the Porter House pub were happily quaffing the Guinness; next an angry bull was among them, wrecking furniture and poking holes in the wall with its horns. It had escaped from the farmers' cattle market.
Drinkers scattered but the bull wrecked the bar before he could be roped and dragged out. Nobody was hurt.
An unnerving incident, to be sure. Moind ya, 'twas nuttin compared wit de noight Murphy and O'Flanagan fell out over de favours of Millie de barmaid.
EG bull
IRISH bulls, it seems, have nothing like the manners and bar-room etiquette of their bovine cousins in KwaZulu-Natal.
I was in Harold's Bar, at the old Ansonia Hotel, in Maritzburg, one evening when an East Griqualand farmer came in with his Afrikander bull, which had just won prizes at the Royal Show.
Patrons looked on with astonishment as the bull stood at the bar counter, placidly lapping Bells whisky from a beer tankard held by the farmer. He was just giving him a treat because he'd done so well at the show, the farmer explained. But the whisky had to be Bells – give him anything else and he wouldn't touch it. (Just as well. He might then start behaving like an Irish bull).
Photographs of the incident hung in Harold's Bar for many years. But for East Griqualanders it was no big deal. That particular farmer and his bull were regulars at the Cedarville pub.
Shark hazard
WATER hazards challenge all golfers, but on the 14th tee at the Carbrook Golf Club in Brisbane, Australia, there's an extra concern. Half a dozen bullsharks – what we call Zambesi river sharks - live in a lake on the course. Their dorsal fins regularly cut the water surface.
The sharks got onto the golf course when it flooded some years ago after a river broke its banks. They were left behind in the lake when the water receded, but now they are thriving and even breeding. The lake is well stocked with fish, on which they feed.
Signs warn golfers not to venture into the lake. At Carbrook, a ball in the water hazard stays lost.
Hey, that's a good solution to the rugby referee problem Down Under – throw them in the water hazard!
Sex after 60
A WORKSHOP planned for Portsmouth, England, to teach people over 60 about "sex in later years" has been cancelled due to a "lack of interest".
This is most discouraging. Why was there a lack of interest? Why especially in a town that is a huge naval base and has a traditional interest in such matters?
Perhaps "workshop" is the wrong way to describe such an event; it has connotations of group work-outs, something like PT classes, an instructress like Jane Fonda urging you on.
The older folk of Portsmouth probably shy away from this kind of thing.
Chicken a la Alf
IN CASE anyone is mystified by an explosion that rocked Umdoni, on the South Coast, in recent days it was just a reader who calls himself Hughbythesea following the chicken recipe sent in by Alf Taylor, former Chief Constable of Durban, who is now living in retirement in Scotland.
Alf's recipe has uncooked popcorn in the stuffing. When the chicken is ready for eating, it blasts out of the oven straight onto the table.
But Hughbythesea says South African mealies must be stronger than those available in Scotland.
"I spent the afternoon scraping corned chicken off the dining room wall. But try adding baked beans to the stuffing mixed with popcorn. The flavour is to die for!"
Blue lights
IAN GIBSON, Bard of Hillcrest, has his muse stirred by the blue lights brigade forcing their way through heavy traffic at high speed on the road to Maritzburg last week in a convoy of eight 4 X 4s.
Those VIP blue-lighters,
In fancy four-by-fours,
Drive like demented blighters,
Ignoring all the road laws.
Eight 4X4s. It must have been somebody really important like Julius Malema.
Tailpiece
A NEW confectionery product has been launched to mark the recent problems in smartphone communications. It's called Blackberry-Apple Crumble.
Last word
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
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