Booger Hole for me
DO YOU fancy a holiday in the US? How about starting out on the West Coast at Big Bottom and nipping across to Big Sag. Then liven things up a bit with a jaunt to Beer Bottle Crossing, followed by Jackpot.
But Boring and Mormon Bar are not recommended.
On the other hand, you might prefer to start on the East Coast at Flea Hill, moving through Foul Rift, Moosup, Woonsocket and Satan's Kingdom to Bald Head.
Yes, these are all names of American towns, gathered by a real estate agency casting its net countrywide, according to Huffington Post.
Other names: Chicken; Catfish Paradise; Nibley; Chugwater; Zap; Plenty Beers (er, sorry, Plenty Bears); Worms; Skiddy; Okay; Ding Dong; Waterproof; Possumneck; Toad Suck; Frankenstein; Chicken Brittle; What Cheer; Chili; Little Canada; Free Soil; Dull (Is it twinned with Boring?); Santa Claus; Booger Hole; Pig; Smartt; Scratch Ankle; Spuds; Flippen; Coward; Whynot; Fries; Coupon, Handsome Eddy; Mosquitoville; and Dummer.
Those are lively names. We have quite a wealth of such as well – Pofader (puff adder), Onderbroekspruit (where the transport riders used to wash their underwear), Fort Mistake and Baardskeerdersbos (Beard-Shavers' Bush).
And, of course, our classic Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein (Two Buffalo Shot Stone Dead With One Shot Fountain) – usually abbreviated to Twee Buffels.
Down in the Western Cape winelands near Franschhoek there's a sign to a place called Gert Se Gat, which I hope refers to Gert's favourite fishing hole.
And of course there are the names conferred, often in frustration, by the 19th century surveyors of the remote rural districts of the old Cape Colony: Hotazel (Hot As Hell); Aggeneys (Agonies); De Hel (self-explanatory); Houpoehou (a complicated multi-abbreviation describing the pangs of diarrhoea); and, of course, Baldiep (which refers to the depth at the local river crossing).
Our tourism people have a wealth of material to work with. But Toad Suck takes a lot of beating.
"WHAT do you think our husbands talk about down at the pub?"
"The same as us, I guess."
"What? You really think so? The dirty old buggers!"
Instant gratification takes too long. - Carrie Fisher