No free lunch
JUST who will pay for that wall Donald Trump wants to put along the Mexican border – to keep out rapists and drug runners – if he should win the US presidential election in November?
Trump insists that Mexico will pay. The Mexicans say: "No way, Jose!" And curiously enough it wasn't even discussed during that extraordinary sortie Trump made to Mexico to meet President Enrique Peña Nieto, the visit based apparently on a misunderstanding.
The Mexican people are appalled that their president should have invited Trump into the country after all he's said about rapists and drug-runners. There's unease and anger south of the border.
But Nieto is fighting back against his detractors. He vehemently asserts that he made Trump pay for lunch during his visit to Mexico City.
"As soon as we sat down to order, I made it very clear that I had no intention of paying for lunch," Peña Nieto said. "And when the check arrived, I made absolutely no move to pick it up."
Responding to the Mexican President's claim, the Trump campaign issued a statement of its own. "As anyone who has read The Art of the Deal knows, Donald J Trump is a master negotiator. While he did pay for Peña Nieto's lunch, he extracted a commitment from the Mexican President to pick up the check the next time they go to dinner. It's a well-established fact that dinner is far, far more expensive than lunch. Yet again, Donald Trump entered into a negotiation and won big."
Yes, that's satirist Andy Borowitz in the New Yorker again. Only three months to go, folks.
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Cops who care MEANWHILE, more news from America. The Richland police report finding a man's body in the Columbia River, near the confluence with the Yakima River at Columbia Park. The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The police removed the Trump T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
The police do care.
Only three months to go, folks. |
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Billy Beaumont
VARIOUS rugby anecdotes remind reader Colin Hiles of a story told by Ian Robertson, former Scottish flyhalf and later a BBC broadcaster.
England hadn't beaten Wales for many years. They were due to play them at Cardiff Arms Park and, as was the then practice, stayed at an hotel across the road from the ground and walked to the game.
Billy Beaumont was making his way to the ground when he was approached by a Harlequins type resplendent in houndstooth jacket with leather elbow patches.
"Well Billy, old chap, I hope the better team wins"
Beaumont: "I hope bloody-well not!"
Complexity
A FORMULATION comes this way, aimed at any young fellow who is contemplating matrimony. The new relationship is a lot more complex and nuanced than, say, the straightforward one with a dog.
The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs' parents never visit.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
Dogs find you amusing when you're tanked up.
Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.
If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
| If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff. Yes, these are valuable points to bear in mind.
Tailpiece BEFORE you criticise anyone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticise, you're a mile away and you've got their shoes. Last word |
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Noel Coward
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