We step up
'EREWEGO, 'erewego, 'erewego! Tomorrow we step up from the lower reaches of the Currie Cup to the real dingus. The Bulls, our ancient and honourable opponents, one of the finest rugby combinations in the world.
How we wish Patrick Lambie were recovered from that villainous charge-down by the Irish, but it seems it's not to be. What's in his place is promising, to be sure, and they will not let us down, but there's still a lacuna. We're now into big-time rugby.
Yet also, we've got what it takes. Our pack can hold them up front. Our defensive line is deadly. Just keep up the pace and the passing. Banish from the mind those aimless kicks downfield.
One gets a sense the Sharks are a side who are beginning to believe in themselves. Tomorrow's the big test.
See you in the Duikers' for the Cossack dance!
'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!
Ghetto isle
THE chairman of Ofsted, England's education oversight body, has had to resign after infuriating the inhabitants of the Isle of Wight, in the English Channel off the coast of Hampshire.
David Hoare had this to say: "They think of it as holiday land. But it is shocking. It's a ghetto. There has been inbreeding. Seven state schools were all less than good. There is a mass of crime, drug problems, huge unemployment."
Wow! I'm not going to say what I was going to about Isipingo.
Homesick
A MESSAGE arrives from a South African on holiday in London.
"I saw a car in London with a bumper sticker – 'Ek mis Suid-Afrika' (I miss South Africa).
"So I broke the window, stole the radio and laptop and left a note that said: "Voel jy nou beter?" (Do you feel better now?)
Deep reflection
SOME words of wisdom:
| Betsy Salkind – "Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for 30 years. Prince Philip – "When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife." Emo Philips – "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing." Harrison Ford – "Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself." Spike Milligan – "The best cure for seasickness, is to sit under a tree." Jean Rostand – "Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror." Arnold Schwarzenegger – "Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million." WH Auden – "We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea." Johnny Carson – "If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead." Warren Tantum – "I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical." Steve Martin – "Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap." Jimmy Durante – "Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is." George Roberts – "The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone." Jonathan Winters – "If God had intended us to fly, He would have made it easier to get to the airport." Robert Benchley – "I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it." John Glenn – "As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder." David Letterman – "America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked." Howard Hughes – "I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Goddammit, I'm a billionaire." Old Italian proverb – "After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box." |
Tailpiece
PADDY goes to the doctor with a painful leg. The doctor puts his stethoscope to his knee and hears a tiny voice: "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner!"
"My ankle also hurts," says Paddy.
"The doctor puts his stethoscope to the ankle. He hears a tiny voice: "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner!"
"I've got bad news for you," says the doctor.
"What's dat?"
"Your leg is broke in two places."
Last word
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
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