Matters maritime
Heart of oak are our ships, jolly tars are our men,
We always are ready, Steady, boys, steady …
AT THE opening cruise of Royal Natal Yacht Club last weekend, they played Heart of Oak, official march of the Royal Navy (and several Commonwealth navies), before firing a small brass cannon out across the bay. No ball or shot was loaded but it made a heck of a bang. I wonder what the shipping moored the other side of the harbour made of it.
Last time I heard Heart of Oak was in the Maritime Club in Dubai a few years ago. The club is frequented by RN personnel who are based in Dubai for the anti-piracy patrols off Somalia; also by US Navy personnel who are based in Dubai for exactly the same reason (though both groups keep very much to themselves, being operational).
Then one evening this group of RN fellows came in. They had really tied one on somewhere. They were very jolly. They were smoking huge cigars. They ordered more drinks and stood about the bar singing Heart of Oak. These guys were on a serious celebration.
"Who's getting married?" I asked.
"Married?"
"This looks like a stag party."
"Stag party!" They fell about laughing.
A couple of days later an item appeared in the local paper. The RN had scored huge success capturing a Somali pirates mother ship in the Indian Ocean. These were the fellows who'd done it. They'd just come ashore and were letting their hair down.
Steady, boys, steady …
From the Bluff
ANOTHER evening in that same Maritime Club in Dubai, I was discussing with a bloke a Currie Cup game I'd watched on TV. A group of RN fellows were nearby.
One overheard us and called across to me: "Are you from Natal?"
"Yes."
"Me too. I'm from the Bluff."
"Hey, rough and tough and from the Bluff!"
"You got it!"
He told me he was a torpedoman with RN submarines.
"Where did you train?"
"Simonstown."
I wonder how many more of our people, trained at vast expense, are serving armies, navies and air forces elsewhere.
Hlaudi
DURBAN got in just in time with honouring SABC honcho Hlaudi Motsoeneng. The Supreme Court of Appeal seems to have other ideas.
Vital poll
THE row over the comparative health of American presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump simmers on, but it seems a new opinion poll might put it to rest.
According to this poll, whose results are about to be released, voters believe by a margin of 9% that an unconscious Hillary Clinton would be "substantially more fit" to be president than a conscious Donald Trump.
The same poll finds that a broad majority of voters find an unconscious Donald Trump more fit to be president than a conscious one.
Yes, it's satirist Andy Borowitz again in the New Yorker, but he's the only one who makes sense these days. Less than two months to go now.
Snake River Canyon
A STUNTMAN has successfully jumped the Snake River Canyon, in southern Idaho, in the US, in a custom-built rocket.
Eddie Braun, 54, hurtled across the 1 000m- wide canyon, reaching an estimated speed of 650km/h before his parachute deployed to land him safely in fields the other side, according to Sky News.
The rocket was named "Evel Spirit" to honour Braun's boyhood idol, Evel Knievel, who performed all kinds of astonishing stunts on motorcycles but never did manage to jump the Snake River Canyon.
Braun used a rocket identical to Knievel's X2 Skycycle – the trick was correct deployment of the parachute.
Evel Knievel's real name was Robert Craig Knievel. When he was locked up one night in 1956, charged with reckless driving of his motorcycle, he was placed in the cell next to a fellow named Knofel, who was known by the cops as Awful Knofel.
Next thing Robert Knievel was Evel Knievel, and he stuck to the name throughout his spectacular stuntman career. He chose the spelling because he didn't want to be known as "evil".
Evel Knievel, Awful Knofel – gone but not forgotten.
Tailpiece
VAN der Merwe is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.
Last word
Speak when you are angry - and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
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