Bull terrier case law
A MOTORIST has been sent to jail for doing 160km/h in a 50km/h zone, and
braking erratically, in Durham, England.
The judge told Jordan Winn his story that his bull terrier had been jumping
about on the control pedals was a "ludicrous account", and sentenced him to 13
months.
But how well does this judge know bull terriers? Their behaviour in a motor
vehicle can indeed be capricious. I recall a nightmare car trip up in Maritzburg
when I sat on the back seat trying to restrain a male bull terrier who was
anxious to make acquaintance with a female bull terrier being held in the front
passenger's seat.
This too attracted the attention of the police. The car's progress was decidedly
erratic. In retrospect, this planned union of two pedigreed bull terriers had a
serious flaw. They should not have been taken to the honeymoon site in the
same car. Bull terriers are powerful and determined dogs.
Then there was the case of a character known as the Poison
Dwarf, who unfortunately blew off his middle toe with a shotgun
while on a guinea fowl shoot at Otto's Bluff.
He'd been leaning on the butt of the gun, drinking a mug of tea, the
muzzle pressed on his boot, when somebody's chunky jersey lifted
one of the shotgun hammers. Whammo!
They threw the toe into the back of a bakkie then raced for Grey's
Hospital for a stitch-on. The Poison Dwarf's loyal bull terrier bitch
jumped aboard as they left. Next thing she was swallowing the toe.
You don't fool around with bull terriers. They've got a mind of their
own, especially when they get in a vehicle. I say Jordan Winn
should appeal.
Misplaced identity
IN RECENT days we've looked at a couple of cases of misplaced
identity.
First there was the Supreme Court judge who was mistaken for
a lavatory attendant as he waited in the gents' at the airport in
Johannesburg for his connecting flight to Durban, sipping at a
cognac from his hand luggage. He received a significant amount in
tips.
Then there was the maitre d' of the Durban Club who went to the
Maharani for a nightcap – and was showered with tips by people
emerging from a banquet.
Reader Johan Bouwer now says he was in practice in the Louis
Pasteur building in Pretoria in the 80s. The top floor was occupied
by the pathology lab and one of the pathologists used to dress
casually in jeans or shorts under a white coat.
"One day he popped out of the lab into the lift, perching on the lift
attendant's stool with his newspaper. In those days some buildings
had lift attendants.
"On the way down a lady entered the lift which was quite full
by now, looked at our path man and instructed: 'Grondvloer
asseblief.'(Ground floor please).
"He looked at her and said: 'Druk jou eie knoppie, ek is op lunch!'
(Press your own button, I'm on lunch!).
He's lucky he didn't get his ears boxed. They can be kwaai, those
Pretoria tannies.
Sad irony
IT'S sad and ironic that at a time people are recalling the life and
legacy of conservationist Ian Player, who died last Sunday aged
87, the provincial conservation agency, which he served with such
distinction for so many years, should be getting publicity all of the
wrong kind.
Ian was the only field officer to eventually also sit on the Board
of Natal Parks (now known as Ezemvelo KZN Wildlife). He also
served on the National Parks Board (headquartered at Kruger
National Park), and I'm sure he's the only individual ever to have
sat on both boards.
We can only hope Ezemvelo get their act together – and fast.
There's a wonderful history they have to live up to.
Mirror image
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties:
Spyker Koekemoer: "Look at those two disgusting old drunks over
there."
Patrick Ponsonby-Smythe: "My dear chap, you're looking at a
mirror. Cheers!"
Tailpiece
No comments:
Post a Comment