Rules is rules
A FELLOW set out to rob a downtown Bank of America. He
walked into a branch and wrote a note reading: "Put all your muny
in this bag". Then he queued for a teller.
But while standing there he began to worry that somebody might
have seen him writing the note. He left the queue, walked outside
and crossed the street to Wells Fargo Bank, where he again joined
a queue.
When he reached the teller and handed her the stick-up note, she
surmised from his spelling that he was not the brightest light in
the harbour. She told him she couldn't accept the note because it
was written on a Bank of America deposit slip. He would have to
either rewrite it on a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America.
At which he resignedly said "Okay" and went back to Bank of
America, where he was arrested a few minutes later, standing
patiently in the queue.
The judge will no doubt take into account his strict adherence to
rules and regulations.
The dots
ESKOM is in free-fall. It seems we don't have a postal service any
more.
And now it also seems the security fence erected for millions at
taxpayers' expense at JZ's Nkandla private residence is falling
down and full of gaps.
Do we join the dots?
Reprieve
KEITH Thiele, of Mbango Valley, on the South Coast, was taken
by last week's report on Benjy the Irish bull who was headed for
the butcher's block for being gay – he had failed to do his duty
toward the cows of the herd – but was reprieved at the last minute
by a public subscription that had him sent to an animal sanctuary
instead.
"Congrats to Benjy. However, I feel he should now change his
name to 'Clark Gaybull.' Whadya think?"
An excellent idea. From the picture of Benjy that I saw, he has the
same sauve, distinguished yet inscrutable mien.
Getting there
A TIME fix on John Joseph Murphy who was lighthouse keeper
at Cape St Lucia for 30 years and whose great-grandson, Mick
Murphy, is out here on holiday looking for information on him, plus
to link up with any descendants.
William Davidson, of Mtubatuba, says his father recalls a Mr
Coward being lighthouse keeper at Cape St Lucia from about the
1950s, so if John Joseph Murphy was there for 30 years it must
have been from the 1920s, which is about when the lighthouse
was built.
John Joseph had four daughters and a son – also John Joseph –
who returned to England and was Mick's grandfather.
Four daughters – the offspring won't be called Murphy but they
must surely be around somewhere.
Romance
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Women
need to stop looking for guys to sweep them off their feet.
Sweeping is their job."
Life at sea
EXTRACTS from the log of USS. Constitution ("Old Ironsides"),
a vessel that sailed from Boston on July 27, 1798, to "destroy and
harass English shipping".
On board: 475 officers and men; 48 600 gallons fresh water; 7 400
balls cannon shot; 11 600lb black powder; 79 400 gallons rum.
October 6 – makes Jamaica, takes on 826lb flour and 68 300
gallons rum.
November 12 – arrives at Azores; provisions 550lb beef and 64
300 gallons Portuguese wine.
November 18 – sails for England.
In ensuing days defeats five British men-of-war, captures and
scuttles 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard
each.
January 26 - powder and shot exhausted; makes unarmed night
raid up the Firth of Clyde,Scotland; landing party captures a whisky
distillery and transfers 40 000 gallons single malt Scotch on board.
February 20 – arrives home in Boston with no cannon shot, no
food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and 38 600 gallons of
water.
This is very curious provisioning. Why all that water?
Tailpiece
"YOU think about nothing but golf. You don't even remember when we were
married."
"Of course I do, my dear, it was the day I sank that forty-foot putt."
Last word
The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a
torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is
inborn in us.
Paul Valery
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