Rovers: another angle
It's not the leaving of Liverpool that grieves me,
But my darling when I think of thee ...
SURELY the least that eThekwini Council can do, if they're going to turf Berea
Rovers out of their clubhouse that they built at King's Park and have occupied
for 30-odd years, is find them new premises.
How about one of those fancy restaurants they built on the beachfront that are
standing empty?
Rovers – who play rugby, cricket, hockey and squash - have been going 136
years. They are part of the fabric of Durban. They can't be just cast aside
because the council (and the provincial government, it seems) have gone into
partnership with Liverpool Football Club, in England – a curious arrangement,
to be sure.
Rovers live up to their name. They rove about. I don't know where they began
but in the sixties they occupied the first floor of Poynton's Chambers, in the
CBD, close to the old Mercury building. The strains of Sweet Chariot, She
Waded In The Water, Dina Dina Show Us A Leg, O'Reilly's Daughter and
other ditties would waft across the night air. Rovers are a very traditional
rugby club.
Then they moved to the Air Force Club, on the 13th
also in the CBD. The raucous ditties were broadcast further. Then they moved
to King's Park.
Now here we come to the asylum principle, and I wonder if the council have
considered it. The principle of the asylum is to keep all the rowdies under one
roof. It was achieved by Rovers moving to their own clubhouse at King's Park,
where they make merry on a regular basis.
This now threatens to be breached by the council eviction. It's like throwing
open the gates of Bedlam. Is it wise to turn loose the desperados of Berea
Rovers; encourage them to invade the suburban hostelries?
When you're taking a girl to a swish dinner, do you really want to encounter a
bunch of burly fellows at the bar, balancing pints of beer on their heads and
bending rhythmically at the knee as they sing Do You Know The Muffin Man?
Do council realise what they are about to unleash? Finding Rovers new
premises becomes not just a moral issue, it's a social imperative.
Doing porridge
THERE'S been much debate in recent
times over the pros and cons of sending an
offender to prison. Here are the arguments,
encapsulated:
• Prison: You spend your time in a small cell.
Work: You spend your time in a smaller
cubicle/office.
• Prison: You get three free meals a day.
Work: You get a break for one meal. You
pay.
• Prison: You get time off for good behaviour.
Work: You get more work for good
behaviour.
• Prison: You can watch TV and play games.
Work: You get fired for watching TV and
playing games.
• Prison: You get your own toilet. Work: You
share a toilet with people who can't aim.
• Prison: All expenses paid by the taxpayer.
Work: You pay your own expenses and get
taxed on what you earn, so they can pay
prisoners.
• Prison: You spend your time inside bars,
wanting to get out. Work: You spend your
time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
• Prison: You have sadistic warders. Work:
You have managers.
Two men looked from prison bars, one saw
mud, the other stars ...
Tailpiece
THE scene is a crowded pub in Cork. An American tourist announces
loudly: "A hundred Euros to any one of you Irishmen who can drink a dozen
Guinnesses in a dozen minutes!"
The place goes quiet as they consider this. A lad slips away from the bar and
goes outside.
Fifteen minutes later he's back. Nobody has taken up the wager. "Set 'em up,
Paddy!" he tells the barman, who pours 12 pints of Guinness draught.
The lad sets about them. He sets down the 12th
his lips, in 11 minute 50 seconds exactly. The place erupts in cheering. The
American hands over the €100.
"I saw you go outside first," he says. "What was that for?"
"Well, you see, I went over to Murphy's Bar, across de road, just to check I could do
it in de time."
Last word
Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means
of language.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
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