See ya later ...
A FLORIDA man has been arrested for kissing alligators. Hal Kreitman, of Miami
Beach, in the US, is to appear in court later this month.
Kreitman, who calls himself an ""alligator whisperer", takes groups into the
Everglades to watch his kissing and cuddling with the 'gators. " As an intuitive and
spiritual person, I've always had a natural affinity with animals," he says.
But the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission says Kreitman's
actions are dangerous. Some of the alligators he has befriended might have
to be killed because they have lost their natural fear of humans. Meanwhile,
he faces a felony charge of enticing and capturing an alligator.
Do we have any parallels here? I've yet to hear of anyone kissing or cuddling
a crocodile, though some of the damsels I've noticed my acquaintances
whispering to and cosying up to at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties are
pretty damned close.
Build-up
YOU beat the Aussies, you beat the All Blacks and then you go
down to the Irish. But if last weekend's rugby proved anything, it
was surely that next year's World Cup in England is going to be a
humdinger.
All Blacks v England – so close. Aussies v Wales – so close. Boks
v Ireland – they drilled us, but you've got to allow for constipation.
The northern nations are right up there with us. Let's see how it
shakes out this weekend. It's an exciting build-up.
Guinness runs out
MEANWHILE, Ian Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, gets it into verse:
The Boks gave a dismal display,
Allowing Ireland to blow them away;
Poor play by scrum-half,
And the centres a laugh!
No wonder Dublin ran out of Guinness that day.
Irish texting
PAUL McIlroy, of the Blarney Brothers, sends in this Irish text
message: "Mary, I'm just having one more pint with the lads. If I'm
not home in 20 minutes read this message again".
Indignation
MORE from the latest grumpy newsletter of investment analyst Dr
James Greener, this time on the dynamics of investment.
"A typical example of how socialists fail to understand what
investing is about appeared in a report prepared by three
parliamentary researchers. After surveying cases of Foreign Direct
Investment world-wide, they reached the indignant conclusion that
the money foreign companies invested can be overtaken by the
remittances they send abroad.
"That, dear researchers, is the point! When you invest, as opposed
to donate, you expect not only one day to get your money back but
also to get a return on that money.
"Frankly, the foreign firms are not that interested in politically
correct stuff like job creation and skills transfer unless they can see
how it could make them more profitable.
"There is nothing wrong with this attitude. After all it creates
economic activities that were not there before and, guess what the
result is? Employment and taxes happen, and all that remains for
you, the government, to do is to stamp their passports and get out
of the way."
Cartoon caught it
IT'S nice to encounter a satisfied reader. Clive Phelps raves about last Friday's Dov Fedler cartoon,
which had armed township criminals chasing two overweight cops, still clutching their tuck – a hot dog
and a bag of chips.
*Cartoonists don't get the recognition they deserve," he says.*
"This send-up had the extra merit of being placed on the page opposite a challenging feature article
by Mary de Haas headed "The trouble with the police" - to complete the message.
*Another brilliant piece of journalism. Thank you!"
Yes, Fedler is always on the button. Mary de Haas knows her onions. The rest, as you say, Clive, we
can put down to sheers brilliance on the part of our news selection and design team.
Spare our blushes!
Tailpiece
RED Adair, the famous Texan firefighter from the oilfields, walks into a Dublin pub.
Paddy: "Dat's Red Adair."
Seamus: "Dat's never Red Adair."
Paddy: "'Tis indeed and I'll bet yez a pint of Guinness." He walks across to the
newcomer. ""You're Red Adair, not so?"
"Sure, I'm Red Adair".
Seamus rushes across with outstretched hand. Änd sure, we'z honoured to meet ya!
How's Ginger Rogers?"
Last word
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain
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