Bluebottle season ahead
THE manufacturers of sun tan lotion are targeting the lower south coast in anticipation of a spike in
sales when the nudist beach at Mpenjati opens.
There's a clamour for film and TV rights as Hibiscus Coast municipality organises an official opening
with nude beach volleyball between Sandy Bay and Mpenjati.
And freelance film men stand by for the north-easterlies and the bluebottle season. There could be
hectic scenes at Mpenjati. Nothing like a few bluebottle stings to get 'em moving in the surf..
Meanwhile, it seems KZN already has an unofficial nudist beach. Mary Ann Grafetsberger – defender of
the rights and interests of vervet monkeys and feeder of feral cats – says she doesn't know what all the
fuss is about. People have been strolling in the nude just north of Umhlanga for a long time.
"Just meander along the wooden walkway past Umhlanga and then about a kilometre or so along the
beach and Bob's your uncle (and Boob's your aunt).
'There's a shallow river where one can cavort in the coolness and no-one gives a damn how the next
person looks. It may be a bit quirky to start with but after about 10 minutes you begin to wonder what all
the fuss is about.
"It's a wonderful experience, nature, and you feel free as a bird. It's a great stress reliever. You may get
the odd honk from cars zipping along the freeway but they're a long way away.
"I think maybe some of the people from the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties may enjoy a Sunday
outing as they do seem quite a rambunctious lot."
That is a very kind thought. I'm sure it will be well received at the Street Shelter where, as it happens,
this evening we combine our regular end-of-month Nudes Night with Halloween – witches flying in
starkers on broomsticks, heavily tattooed. Scary stuff, you need nerves of steel!
Overworked
READER Roy Shepherd counted Brendan Rodgers, manager of Liverpool Football Club, using the word
"obviously" six times in a three-minute interview.
It's the most overworked word there is, Roy says, in any interview, no matter what the subject.
A couple of phrases are in this category as well. One is "going forward". Nobody interviewed on TV
speaks of anything that is not in a context of "going forward". The phrase is constantly added on to
sentences. No reverse gear.
Another is "if you like" – on Sky News especially. It can be a war correspondent in the conflict zone of
northern Iraq or Syria. Or it can be an analyst sitting in the studio in London.
Any idea put forward is followed up with "if you like". It simply rolls of their tongues.
What if you don't like? You lump it, I guess.
Oriental wisdom
SOME Confucianisms. Confucius say:
• OK to let a fool kiss you, but not OK to let a kiss fool you.
• Kiss is merely shopping upstairs for real merchandise downstairs.
• Better to lose a lover than love a loser.
• Drunken man's words often sober man's thoughts.
• Much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
• Joke is just like sex. Neither any good if you don't get it.
Impasse
ROB NICOLAI, Howick's celebrated theoretical physicist, suggests the reason David Cameron wouldn't
meet President JZ in London is a sense of inadequacy.
In spite of the Great Fire of London all those years ago, No 10 Downing Street is yet to install a fire pool
– unlike Nkandla, which is absolutely up to the minute in such things.
Tailpiece
PADDY and Seamus are hitchhiking. They decide to spit up and meet under the town hall clock in the
next town.
Seamus is waiting there when Paddy drives up in a swanky car.
"Where did yez get dat?"
"Dis beautiful woman picked me up. She drove me to de woods. Den she took all her clothes off and
said I can have anyting I want. So I took de car."
"Good choice too, Paddy. Yez'd have looked ridiculous in her clothes."
Last word
A sense of humour is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with
people, of getting things done.
Dwight D Eisenhower
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