Nude and safe
THE nudist beach at Mpenjati goes from strength to strength. Dave Snashall, a swimmer and water polo
player of note in days of yore (he was no slouch on the rugby field either), has volunteered to become
chief lifeguard.
Dave has lifesaving medallions for swimming pools and surf, and says he's prepared to come out of
retirement under certain conditions.
"I will need a well equipped high tower with cameras, large flat screen televisions, telescopes and
binoculars, comfortable armchairs, mini-bar, modest catering facilities, showers and toilets. However no
change room facilities need to be provided nor any garment hooks.
"In the unlikely event of somebody actually swimming on a nudist beach, I will also need at least two
young practising lifeguards to take care of the physical side of actual rescues"
This sounds most reasonable. How encouraging it is that a man in his mellow years should be prepared
to come out of retirement like this and survey a nudist beach for safety features. Hibiscus Coast
municipality must surely jump at the offer.
Mozzies
MEANWHILE, Ian Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, raises the mosquito question. "You will recall the
two mosquitoes assessing the benefits of a nudist colony? They knew what to do but didn't know where
to begin."
He then launches into verse:
Some say nudity can't win,
Especially if you're bony and thin;
But to nudists its fun
To toast in the sun,
Though mozzies can penetrate skin.
Cats' eyes
AN EMPANGENI reader recently asked why large cats like lions have round pupils in their eyes while
small cats have narrow, vertical pupils.
Dave van der Schyff, of Zimbali, says his biologist wife, Jill, explains it thus: The cat has vertical slits for
pupils to catch varmints by chasing them down holes. This requires a very rapid adjustment
to very little light on entering the varmint's hole. The eye slit has muscles that expand in one dimension
to get more leverage so they are able to see better and quicker.
The round pupils are in bigger cats that are too big to go down holes. Their eyes also have to expand in
two dimensions, which takes more time to adjust.
That is most useful. I'm too shy to ask Jill about the glaring eyes of the tigress I encountered the other
night in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties.
.
Wrong tactic
CRICKET fan Chris Taylor says the Dolphins' recent thumping by the Lions was due in no small part to
our quickies bowling round the wicket to lefthanders Gayle and Symes.
"This was totally wrong. They were bowling to the lefthanders' strength - the leg side. They should have
been bowling over the wicket, slanting the ball across and away from the batsman.
"The result of the match could have been quite different."
Ï didn't watch the rout. Does anyone out there agree with Chris?
Yorks and Lancs
HISTORIAN Jack Frost says I'm wrong about the York and Lancasters being the last British regiment
at Fort Napier, in Maritzburg. The last was the South Staffordshires (who left in 1914) and before that it
was the Wiltshires (who left in 1913).
The York and Lancasters left in 1894, he says, which makes the York and Lancaster rugby trophy,
which they presented when they left, even older than we'd thought.
Frog chorus
SCIENTISTS in America have discovered a new species of frog – living right in the
heart of New York City.
Jeremy Feinberg, of Rutgers University, New Jersey, first made the discovery when
he heard their "very odd" chorusing call in wetlands on Staten Island..
"Frogs have very stereotyped calls within a species, so I knew this was different," he
says..
It has been named the leopard frog, the first new species to be discovered in New
York in 30 years.
Feinberg should visit the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties, here in Durban. As
recorded recently in this column, we have ventriloquist frogs in the pond that throw
their croaks, giving the impression they emanate from a well-known local advocate.
PC baking
SIGN in a politically correct bakery: "Organic, genderless gingerbread figures – vegan."
.
Tailpiece
FRAU Merkel arrives at passport control in Athens:
"Nationality?"
"German."
"Occupation?"
"Nein, just here for a few days"
Last word
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating
manual.
Terry Pratchett
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