Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Idler, Monday, November 17, 2014

Portents from Twickers

THE sublime moment at Twickenham on Saturday was surely when 

Patrick Lambie chipped a perfectly weighted kick and Willie le Roux 

gathered on the full to hare downfield and offload to Cobus Reinach 

for an absolute scorcher of a try.

There we had the winning formula for next year's World Cup. 

Possibly the individuals too.

What a cracker of a Test this was. And what a dream debut for the 

new halfback pairing, Lambie's drop goal near the end the cherry on 

the top.

And look at the other results. Scotland gave the All Blacks a huge 

skrik. France drilled Australia. Our game could have gone either way. 

The northern nations on the up and up. England will be the place to 

be next year. This World Cup promises to be a totally unpredictable 

humdinger.

Threesome

DOWN the other end of the bar at the Street Shelter for the Over-
Forties, folk were huddled round another TV screen. Hey, Jabulani! 

Bafana took it 2-1.

Then down in Oz, South Africa won the ODI.

That's a threesome of success. They might even pass a motion of 

congratulation down at parliament – just as soon as they can get 

together enough pairs of boxing gloves.

Encounter

ANOTHER side of rugby. I'm sometimes unfairly accused of writing 

too much about Maritzburg College. Well, here's a story from a 

Kearseny boy.

I'm frequently fed snippets of information (most of them unprintable) 

by an 80-year-old who calls himself Barrie ("with an 'ie'") who played 

rugby for Highbury, Kearseny and Berea Rovers, In fact he once 

scored the winning try for Rovers in the Under-19 championship.

Later in life he befriended Keith Oxlee, the great Natal and Springbok 

flyhalf. He often watched Butch James, also a great provincial and 

Springbok flyhalf, on the rugby field but had never met him in person.

Then the other day he encountered Butch in the parking lot outside 

the shops at Mount Edgecombe. He introduced himself.

"What a charming, delightful fellow. He seemed genuinely interested 

in talking to a silly old geezer like me. Now I can say I've known two 

great flyhalves produced by Maritzburg College, great gentlemen 

both."

Barrie the Kearsney boy said it – not me!

Colleen power

BRIAN Kennedy brings us the information that in his native Ireland, 

the Minister of Justice, the Attorney-General, the Chief Justice, the 

Chairperson of the Police Authority, Commissioner of Police, the 

Chief State Pathologist and the Director of Public Prosecutions - are 

all of them women.

""Have men got any chance at all?" he asks

It would appear not, Brian. What's left for the men? Chief State Vet? 

OC Refuse Removal?

And this can also be viewed, of course, as a monstrous conspiracy 

against Ireland's timeless tradition of the lads gettin' together of 

an evening for pints of Guinness and a bit of boisterousness and 

song, which so often spills out into the streets and spreads through 

neighbourhoods.

The bench, the prosecution, the police – all controlled by the 

Colleens. It sends a shiver up de spine, begorrah!

Van

MENTION last week of the fellow in Florida who's been arrested 

for kissing alligators reminds Marthya Kitching of one her late 

dad's favourite Van der Merwe jokes.

Van applies to join a very exclusive hunt club on the Zululand 

coast. At the bar he is told of the tough initiation procedure.

 "First you must swallow a litre of cane spirit; second you must 

kiss the prettiest girl in the village; and finally you must shoot a 

crocodile."

"Nothing to it," says Van, reaching for a bottle of cane spirit and 

downing it in one mighty gulp. Then he lurches off to tackle his 

second task. An hour later he staggers in, bruised and battered. 

His face is scratched and bleeding, and his clothes are torn to 

shreds. "Quick, give me a drink!" he gasps. "Then show me this 

woman I've got to shoot."

"My Dad had three joke books on Van. I love them!"

Faithful

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I've been 

in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds 

out, she'll kill me!"

Tailpiece

Army lieutenant: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this 

morning, Murphy."

Private Murphy: "Tank you, sorr!"

Last word

Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. 

Ernie Kovacs

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