Don't forget the volleyball
A RIP van Winkel moment ... on Friday morning (December 19, 2014)
reader Doug McGarr turned first to the Idler's column (natch!), then gave
his attention to the cryptic crossword.
"I happened to glance up to the top of the page and then I saw it - the date
was Saturday, December 19, 2015!
"Had I fallen asleep for a year after reading your column? What had
happened to Oscar? Had South Africa won both World Cups and the
resultant party been too much for this old man? Was petrol being sold
two litres for the price of one?
"I then realised that the compiler had read the Tailpiece (the desert island
castaway and the voluptuous lady) and lost control. His fingers slipped on
the keyboard."
Yep, 2015 still lies ahead, Doug. Both World Cups. The southern
hemisphere Rugby Championship. The Currie Cup. The Africa Cup of
Nations. And volleyball on the nudist beach at Mpenjati.
Howzat!
AT LAST they're learning. Reader and former league cricketer Chris Taylor has
expressed himself, via this column, as to his puzzlement at the neglect these days
of the fielding position of leg gulley, which always offers sharp catches off a pace
bowler.
Yet in the first Test against the West Indies, Hashim Amla took his advice, placing a
leg gulley as Morne Morkel bowled to Jermaine Blackwood.
"I must say I chortled – Morkel bowling to a leg gulley and getting a catch taken
there. Your column is obviously widely read and its opinions respected."
Yes, they're learning, Chris, they're learning. If only Heyneke Meyer would pay more
attention to the Idler's column.
Paddy again
YESTERDAY'S Tailpiece about Paddy and the pig in the bar reminds occasional
contributor Barrie ("with an 'ie'") of the time Paddy and Mick each bought
themselves a pig at the fairground.
They dropped off at a pub or two on the way home. So as not to confuse the two
pigs, which they set down on the floor of the first pub, Paddy tagged the ear of his, to
identify it.
At the next pub, Mick tagged the ear of his, just to be sure.
Several pubs later, both pigs had been tagged several times on both ears and on their
tails.
Says Paddy: "Dis is gettin' confusin'. Let's just say de white pig's mine and de black
pig's yours."
Nuts to that!
THE thinkings of a sage come this way on the age-old
question of whether giving birth is more painful than a man
getting kicked where it really hurts.
"Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the family jewels," he says.
"I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting
kicked in the family jewels is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after
giving birth, a woman will often say: 'It might be nice to have
another baby.'
"On the other hand, you never hear a guy say: 'You know, I
think I would like another kick in the nuts'."
Lizard Squad
WHATEVER next? Hackers known as the "Lizard Squad" have been disabling Xbox
and PlayStation games. Can civilisation withstand it?
How safe are we from the Lizards? I cranked the little handle on my ultra-advanced
cellphone and, sure enough, was through in no time to the Nkandla exchange.
Everything was just dandy, they said. Mac Maharaj and JZ were munching mince
pies beside the firepool. No fuss, no bovver.
Phew! That's a big relief!
Tailpiece
TWO fellows are on a ski-ing trip and get caught in a blizzard. They stumble into a
farmyard, find the house and knock on the door. A good-looking lady, who turns out
to be a widow, lets them in and tells them they can sleep on the couch at the fireside.
Months later, one of them gets a letter. He reads it and looks narrowly at his friend.
"That night of the blizzard – did you slip away to the widow's room?"
"Er, yes."
"And did you just happen to give my name and address?"
Ër, yes. I'm sorry."
He taps at the letter. "This is from her lawyer. You must have been damned good. She
died and left everything to me."
Last word
Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some.
Jose Marti
No comments:
Post a Comment