Quintessence of cricket
WHAT an engrossing final day's play it was in the fifth and final Test at Newlands – a seemingly easy target for South Africa, yet one that had to be agonisingly ground out in the face of superbly tight West Indies bowling and fielding.
By mid-morning the Windies still were in with a sniff of an upset victory. But our batsmen didn't panic, they kept their heads and slowly turned the tide in our favour. This was the quintessence of cricket.
What a debut for spinner Simon Harmer. What a wonderful repeat performance (yet again) by Dale Steyn. And – on the final day – what superb left-arm spinning by the West Indies' Suleman Benn. (Eight maiden overs out of 17 - for my money, bowler of the match).
If anyone doubted it, Test cricket shows itself once again to be not just the purest form of the game but the most thrilling – every delivery a drama, an unfolding game of chess.
Pyjama cricket now takes over. American tourists in the Fairest Cape will feel quite at home.
Hawk-Eye
TO APPEAL or not to appeal? Hawk-Eye and the Third Umpire present skippers with some agonising decisions. It's a feature of Test cricket these days.
What those behind the system probably never envisaged is that it almost invariably confirms the correctness of the field umpire's decision – made in real time, on the spot, looking at split-second action, It's an astonishing affirmation of the human faculties.
Is Hawk-Eye then a waste? Not at all. It eliminates grumbling about the umpires.
Take a bow, you gents in the white coats.
Applecart
THE UK has embarked on an election campaign that will be unusually protracted by British standards – four months. This is because the current coalition agreement set the date in advance.
The outcome is totally unpredictable because this time, besides the three main parties, we have on the scene Ukip (the knowledgeable fellows at the end of the bar), the Scots nationalists and the Greens, all of them capable of upsetting the applecart in different ways.
Normally this would affect only the Brits. But in this age of international TV networks it is beamed to the entire world. We all of us cop it.
Sky News has embarked on a four-month programme of visiting and analysing more than 150 marginal constituencies, chatting to the folk in the marketplaces and on the fishing wharves. The thing has been promoted for a couple of weeks now by random mugshots accompanying a bit of menacing radical doggerel which contains the line: "Where peasants get to hang their king – that's democracy!"
Four months of this? Democracy? By polling day the peasants are likely to be longing fervently for a return to absolute monarchy.
Splash!
SPLISH splash, I was takin'a bath … except I started out taking the dog for a walk. The police in England and Wales have received 63 complaints from pedestrians of being splashed by motorists who, they say, deliberately swerved through puddles to get them soaked. It seems that in Britain this is illegal. Several motorists were served warning notices.
Most of the offences have been in Gloucestershire and Somerset, as well as across the border in Wales.
Arrrr! A greet zenze of 'umour they 'ave in the West Country. Oi zoaked 'er, Oi zoaked 'er, Oi zoaked 'er, oi oi!
Looney Tunes
BEEP! Beep! But where's the coyote?
Motorists in the small Israeli town of Herliya thought they were in one of the Looney Tunes Road Runner cartoons when an emu (an ostrich-like Australian bird) appeared alongside, running at about 40km/h.
A municipal vehicle was in hot pursuit and eventually the emu was captured at a shopping centre and returned it to its enclosure, from which it had escaped.
If there was a coyote, it's still at large.
Tailpiece
AN ENGLISH lord is entertaining guests at his country estate. They're playing cricket and the lord's footman is standing as umpire.
His lordship is taking strike. A guest bowls. The ball hits his lordship on the pads.
"Howzat!"
Footman: "Lord Melford is not at home."
Lord Melford: "Eh?"
Footman (raising his finger): "You're out!"
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Last word
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.
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