Ideas for King's Park
JOHN Smit and his management team want to recapture the atmosphere of
yesteryear at King's Park. Drawing on experience since 1956 when Natal were
in their first Currie Cup final – against Northern Transvaal at Kingsmead (King's
Park was still being built), 9-8 down in injury time, we wuz robbed! – here are a few
suggestions.
Get rid of that excruciating blasting "music" while the game is in progress. It's
absolutely out of keeping with rugby.
Scrap the asinine onfield "entertainment" before the match. It's toe-curlingly bad.
Bring back the skydivers, pipe and military bands and Zulu dancers that were in that
spot. They were terrific, part of the world-renowned King's Park experience.
And stop this ridiculous shunning of our rugby heritage. I realise I could be cast into
outer darkness for uttering these foul blasphemies against professional dogma, but
bring back the fellow running on with a huge bunch of bananas – or even a banana
tree – bowing to every section of the crowd then running and diving over under the
posts.
The crowd loved it. The overseas audiences would love it too. Make it fun, fellows,
make it fun!
Best friend
YES, he is our best friend. A small brown pup was spotted floating down the Los Angeles
River, in California, after heavy thunderstorms last week.
A Los Angeles firefighter was lowered into the swollen river by a cable from a
helicopter. He swam to the pup, grabbed him and they were winched up. The dog
– a labrador cross – is fine, though it is not known who owns him. He is believed
to have been swept about 2km down the river.
All that trouble, expense and risk to rescue a nondescript mutt. Yes, this
relationship between man and dog really has been imprinted on our genes.
Polar bear
BRITAIN is in the grip of icy weather. And now a huge polar bear has showed
up in London. It wanders about the streets and has even climbed on to an
underground tube train.
The 2m bear has caused some consternation among the punters until they
realise it's not actually real. It's what they call an "animatronic animal" built by
stage prop specialists and controlled from inside by two puppeteers of the West
End show, War Horse.
It's to promote a new TV series, Fortitude, set in a fictional town with thousands
of polar bears.
Will there be a Tarzan remake come summer? Watch out for crocodiles in the
fountains in Trafalgar Square.
Tax hassle
BRITISH pensioner Doug Yeomans got a tax bill from Her Majesty's Revenue
and Customs for £4.7 billion (R79.9 bn). But HMRC were jolly decent about it. He
could pay it off over five months, they said, and they had set up a direct debit to
his bank account of £950m a month.
They were just as decent when he finally managed to get through to somebody at
HMRC to point out that something might be amiss. They admitted there had been
a mistake and told 78-year-old Mr Yeomans to relax.
But he says the difficulty in contacting the right person at HMRC was frustrating
and baffling. "You can get an interview with the Pope easier than getting through
to them."
Diplomatic wheelbarrow
AS THEY say on the platteland, when you fall over a wheelbarrow in the dark, you
fall and fall ... and keep on falling.
British transport minister Baroness Susan Kramer visited Taiwan and presented a
watch to Ko Wen-je, mayor of the capital, Taipei.
Ko looked less than thrilled. Later he said he didn't need the watch and might sell it to
a scrap metal dealer. Then he said he was only joking.
It turns out that in Taiwan the gift of a watch is taboo. It suggests that time is running
out for the recipient.
At which Baroness Kramer apologised and said she had no idea.
Not to worry, the Taiwanese said. The watch was "in storage"
Inscrutable, these oriental wheelbarrows.
Tailpiece
"SO you're taking your wife on a wilderness trail?"
"Yep."
"Isn't that a bit risky? What if she gets attacked by a lion?"
"If a lion's stupid enough to attack her, it's got to take the consequences."
Last word
Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to
prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and
are right.
HL Mencken
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