The swallow dive try
WATCHING Saracens play rugby against Munster in the Champions Cup in
England , Saracens winger Chris "Splash" Ashton executed a terrific swallow dive
to score after he crossed the tryline.
The commentator remarked on it. Apparently Ashton gets his nickname from the
swallow dives.
But is it that impressive? Three things can happen: The would-be scorer can dive
right over the deadball line (which in those clubs stadiums in England is usually
pretty close); he can lose the ball-in midair – the swallow dive is not designed
for ball-holding – and lose the try; or he can break his collar-bone as he hits the
ground.
Anyway, is this boastful diving in the spirit of rugby? There's little more thrilling
than the genuine dive for the tryline. But this choreographed thing after the
player has already crossed– it's what you used to see when Pofadder played
Baardskeerdersbos. It lacked class, the respectable clubs didn't do it.
But today it's the in thing, the commentators enthuse over it, especially overseas.
Do the rugby administrators in England and the Home Unions really want to see
hordes of women running up and down the touchline with their hair in curlers and
screaming: "Moor hom Frikkie!"
Pofadder and Baardskeerdersbos come to the shires.
Nudism nerves
NERVOUSNESS takes hold as the count-down begins to the legitimising of a
nudist beach at Mpenjati, on the South Coast. One of the Sunday blatts had
a photograph from behind of a couple anticipating things, sitting on the beach
starkers.
She had a large tattoo of what appeared to be a giant bat hovering above her
buttocks. Her right shoulderblade had on it a scattering of small tattoos. It could
have been a swarm of bees or hornets.
Bats, bees, hornets ... the imagination recoils from what might be in store full
frontal.
This nudism is going to require nerves of steel.
Top Gear
ANDY Wilman, producer of the TV series Top Gear – well known in Durban – has
been agonising somewhat on the BBC website as to whether the BBC "trusts" his
show, whose participants, notably Jeremy Clarkson, have said and done some
politically incorrect and embarrassing things on their overseas sorties.
Nothing untoward has ever happened in Durban . The only complaint about Top
Gear is that the thing is absolutely puerile.
Vroom! Vroom!
Button
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Every time I stub my toe it's
like someone's pressed a button. These cuss words just start playing."
Singing cop
A VIDEO posted on YouTube last week shows a Delaware policeman singing
and shaking about at the wheel as he lip-syncs Taylor Swift's number, Shake
It Off, while he drives about the city of Dover, state capital. It immediately had
something like 400 000 hits.
The video was posted on YouTube by the Dover police, who have installed
dashboard cameras to monitor what goes on in their cars. Presumably they
posted it because they felt Master Corporal Jeff Davis makes a pretty good fist of
Shake It Off, which he also sings with his 10-year-old daughter.
What will be the next YouTube posting featuring Master Corporal Jeff Davis?
Given the twin naming of the towns, it should be Vera Lynn's Bluebirds Over The
White Cliffs of Dover.
When will that be? Tomorrow, just you wait and see ...
Bumper Sticker
"GIVE me ambiguity or give me something else!"
Tailpiece
A TOURIST is savouring a whiskey at a table outside a picturesque Irish pub on
a beautiful summer's evening. A nun approaches: "My son, yez should not be
drinkin'dat devil's potion".
"Oh, I can't agree with you. In moderation, drink is one of the blessings of life."
"'Tis not so, my son. 'Tis a destroyer of de home and all dignity and happiness."
"Have you ever had a drink?"
"In all my years, no, praise be!"
"I tell you what, let me buy you one. Then at least you'll know what you're talking
about."
"How can I, a nun, stand out here drinkin'whiskey? But mebbe you could put it in a
coffee cup?"
He goes inside and orders: "Two double whiskeys, please. One in a coffee cup."
Barman: "Don't tell me dat nun is out dere again?"
Last word
The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you're an artist.
David Hockney
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