In the ignition
DRAMA in the US, where some people actually do leave their car
keys in the ignition, and from whence comes this account.
A woman and her husband had always disagreed over this. She
felt the ignition was the safest place. He said that was asking for
the car to be stolen.
Came the fateful day when, after a meeting, she could not find her
car keys.
"They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room
revealed nothing. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the
car. Frantically, I headed for the car park.
"My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
the ignition. Then as I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying
conclusion. His theory was right. The car park was empty.
"I immediately called the police. I gave them my location,
confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been
stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.
"Hello My Love." (I always call him "My Love" in times
like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it's been stolen."
"Silence. I thought the call had disconnected. But then he
barked: 'I dropped you off!'
"It was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said: 'Well, come and
get me.'
"He said: 'I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I haven't
stolen your damn car!'"
Oh boy!
Newcastle
THE above recalls the local case of a fellow who was Mayor of
Newcastle and an enthusiastic member of the Naval Association,
which used to meet in Maritzburg.
After a most convivial Naval Association dinner, he went to where
he'd parked his car. It was gone. He was not far from the police
station so he went inside and reported the theft.
Somebody gave him a lift to where he was staying overnight. Next
morning he woke from a refreshing sleep, to recall that in fact he'd
parked his car somewhere entirely different. Sure enough, there it
was, safe and sound. He got in and headed back to Newcastle.
About Mooi River he was stopped in a police roadblock and
arrested for being in possession of a stolen vehicle.
"But I'm the Mayor of Newcastle!"
"And I'm Father Christmas! Get in the van!"
Involvement in local government can be most demanding.
Guinea pig
PALAENTOLOGISTS in England have discovered the fossilised remains of a
giant guinea pig that lived about three million years ago. It weighed more than a
ton, was the size of a buffalo and would have had a bite as strong as a tiger's.
I wonder. If you picked it up by its tail, would its eyes have dropped out?
Computer chat
A DIALOGUE follows, which fully captures the spirit of our times:
Windows: Please enter your new password.
User: cabbage
Windows: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
User: boiled cabbage
Windows: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
User: 1 boiled cabbage
Windows: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
User: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
Windows: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper
case
character.
User: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
Windows: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper
case
character consecutively
User: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon't
GiveMeAccessNow!
Windows: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
User: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYou
DontGiveMeAccessRightNow
Windows: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Romance
DISHY Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi has accepted a marriage proposal delivered by drone.
She was celebrating her birthday when the white unmanned aircraft flew towards her.
Boyfriend Wang Feng, a rock singer and composer, retrieved an engagement
ring from inside the drone, got down on one knee and popped the question.
Zhang said "Yes!" The newly engaged couple kissed and embraced as the night
sky lit up with fireworks.
Things have picked up somewhat in China since the days of Chairman Mao.
.
Tailpiece
IT'S pelting with rain and a deep puddle has formed outside the
Irish pub. An old man is standing there in the rain, holding a stick
with a piece of string on it, jiggling the string in the water.
"What are you doing?" asks a passer-by.
"Fishin'."
"Come inside and I'll get you a drink."
"Ah, tank yez!"
They're standing at the bar with whiskeys.
"And how many have you caught?"
"Eight now, including yezelf."
Last word
Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
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