Slowed-down snail mail
THE postal workers strike has caused a slowdown in services over recent
months. Donough McGillycuddy, of Himeville, shares with us a letter he
sent to the head honchos of the postal service in Pretoria.
"Approximately two months ago I found four letters in my mailbox.
Three had taken 27 months, one 11 months, to cover the 5km from
Underberg to Himeville.
"I have shown the four letters to our excellent postmistress in Underberg.
She expressed astonishment and sincere apologies. I completed one of the
red information cards about the matter and mailed it to 'The Postmaster,
Pietermaritzburg'. It has never been acknowledged.
"I posted 20 Aero World letters and a dozen Christmas cards to friends in
Ireland and England on December 12 and doubt their being appropriately
handled by South African Post Office. None of the addressees to whom I
have spoken during the Christmas holiday period have received anything
from me.
"The only stamps available for 'small letter overseas' were the Big Five
issue at R7.30 each. The rate is R7. Therefore I paid a 4.3% premium
over the proper cost."
Donough – who hails from ould Ireland – received a single Christmas
card from England and nothing at all from Ireland.
Ho, ho, ho! His letter to the honchos in Pretoria wouldn't have got there,
so he can hardly blame them. Nor would his card to the Postmaster,
Pietermaritzburg, which is much further from Himeville than Underberg.
If it takes 27 months for a letter to get 5km from Underberg to Himeville,
his card to the Postmaster, Pietermaritzburg, is still on its way. He must
just be patient for another five years or so.
Is this acceptable? I cranked the little handle on my trusty up-to-the-
minute cellphone and in no time was through to the Nkandla exchange.
Next I was on the line to Mac Maharaj (plus 30 or so listeners-in on the
party line), who assured me that the postal fiasco is getting presidential
attention.
A team of runners is in heavy training between Kranskop, Qudeni Hill
and Nkandla, while tenders are being called for the cutting of a stockpile
of cleft sticks from the Nkandla forest.
That's a big relief. Delivery time between Underberg and Himeville
should be cut to 45 minutes or so. We will be world leaders in postal
services. If we were Chinese we would call 2015 the Year of the Great
Leap Forward.
Patience, Donough, patience everyone. Things are on the move.
Diary dates
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener says in his first grumpy
newsletter of the New Year that a spark seems to be missing from the
visiting West Indies side.
"A pity really. Oh well, one can still watch with half an eye while
updating the new diary with the Grand Prix dates and the two world cup
schedules.
"This year has a great deal of potential to either raise or crush our spirits
while seated on the TV couch. Two world cups and the Afcon trophy in
the cupboard by year end is an exciting prospect."
These investment analysts have their priorities right.
Polish waterfall
READER Dave Dobbin notes our photograph last Monday showing
people swimming in the pool beneath Podgorna waterfall in
Przesieka, Poland, the water at a temperature of – 7 degrees C.
"Just an idle query - If the temperature of the Podgorna pool water
is -7C, why isn't it frozen?"
Good question. I suppose there are two possible answers.
One is that the Podgorna waterfall flows not with water but with
vodka – or wodka, as they call it in Poland – and alcohol freezes
at a lower temperature than water. The Poles are a wonderfully
inventive people.
The other (admittedly somewhat prosaic) is that the news agency
got it wrong and the water was actually at 7 degrees above
freezing.
But well spotted, sir!
Tailpiece
GALLAGHER opens the morning newspaper and is dumbfounded to read his own
obituary. He quickly phones his best friend, Finney.
"Did yez see de paper? Dey say I died!"
"Yes, I saw it. Where are yez callin' from?"
Last word
I'm glad I didn't have to fight in any war. I'm glad I didn't have to pick up a
gun. I'm glad I didn't get killed or kill somebody. I hope my kids enjoy the
same lack of manhood.
Tom Hanks
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