A season of good cheer
IT'S the season of festivity and good cheer. It's the season of
rolling blackouts. Writer Gus Silber, who normally produces film
scripts and things, takes some time off with a seasonal poem titled
Carols by Nkandlalight. It first appeared on SA People News.
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through Nkandla
The lights were ablaze
To the sound of 'Amandla!'
While the rest of the nation
Was shedding its load
The power was strong
In this humble abode
Whose brilliant gleam
Could be viewed from in space
By a man in a sleigh
With a grin on his face.
As he drove through the stars
In his dazzling red suit
He said '''m coming to get you
To pay back the loot'.
But the head of the house told him
Don't be a fool
I spent it on building
This flaming big pool
So come sit beside me
And let's get all boozy
In the Peace and Goodwill
Of my fire Jacuzzi.
I'll raise u''my glass
And say, "Ja, Noël Fine'
But I won't pay the money
And I'll never resign.
But look to the lights
That shine over yonder
And let's bring a halt to the
Blitzen and Donder.
For now is the time to
Cease all your fighting
And shut up complaining
That you haven't got lighting.
Joy to the world
Let the Angels sing Hark!
Enjoy your cold turkey
That you eat in the dark
Forget all the chaos
Ignore all the scandals
Let's gather as one
By the light of our candles
And dwell on the things
That deserve celebration
As we dream of a brighter
More powerful nation.
Question: What did South Africa have before candles? Answer:
Electricity.
Brass eagle
THE salvaging from the South Atlantic of a four-ton brass eagle
is causing some embarrassment. It comes from the stern of the
German battleship Graf Spee, which was scuttled in Montevideo
Bay after the Battle of the River Plate in World War II, to prevent its
falling into the hands of the British.
The bronze eagle with spread wings is a magnificent piece of
sculpture. The embarrassing bit is that in its talons it holds a giant
swastika.
When it was put on display in Montevideo, Uruguay, the German
embassy protested against this display of Nazi paraphernalia.
Melt it down, boys, melt it down! If there's any problem, bring it
to Durban. Here we have any number of specialists in melting
down brass, copper, aluminium – anything you like. They handle
everything from brass nameplates and street numbers to sub-
station cabling to bridge metalwork. Just look at all our collapsed
bridges and electricity pylons. A German eagle and swastika would
be a piece of cake.
No questions asked either.
Good news
SURELY the best bit of environmental news lately is this scheme
to start repairing the damage done to the St Lucia Lake/estuary
system over more than half a century.
It's been in crisis ever since I can remember. It began with the
decision to divert the Umfolozi from its natural mouth into the lake
and estuary, direct into the sea at a point south.
Sure, it reduced the flooding of sugar cane lands. But it caused
siltation in the system and unsustainable salinity problems in parts
of the lake. St Lucia was slowly dying.
Its not rocket science what the iSimangaliso Wetland Park
authorities are up to. They're repairing some of the siltation
damage then allowing the Umfolozi to flow (and flood) as nature
intended.
Conservationist Ian Player spent a lifetime telling industrialists,
miners and farmers you have to work with nature, not against it,
otherwise you get bitten.
At St Lucia we got badly bit. But it seems we've learned our
lesson.
Tailpiece
PRESIDENT Obama popped over to see Bill and Hillary Clinton. After a few
beers, he needed the bathroom.
He was astonished to find that Bill Clinton's private loo had a golden urinal.
Wow!
Obama told Michelle about it. Later in the week, Michelle had lunch
with Hillary and told her how impressed Barack had been with the toilet
arrangements.
Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary said: "I found out
who widdled in your saxophone."
Last word
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and
nobody wants to do maintenance.
Kurt Vonnegut
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