Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Idler, Wednesday, December 18, 2014

A season of good cheer

IT'S the season of festivity and good cheer. It's the season of 

rolling blackouts. Writer Gus Silber, who normally produces film 

scripts and things, takes some time off with a seasonal poem titled 

Carols by Nkandlalight. It first appeared on SA People News.

'Twas the night before Christmas

And all through Nkandla

The lights were ablaze

To the sound of 'Amandla!'

While the rest of the nation

Was shedding its load

The power was strong

In this humble abode

Whose brilliant gleam

Could be viewed from in space

By a man in a sleigh

With a grin on his face.

As he drove through the stars

In his dazzling red suit

He said '''m coming to get you

To pay back the loot'.

But the head of the house told him

Don't be a fool

I spent it on building

This flaming big pool

So come sit beside me

And let's get all boozy

In the Peace and Goodwill

Of my fire Jacuzzi.

I'll raise u''my glass

And say, "Ja, Noël Fine'

But I won't pay the money

And I'll never resign.

But look to the lights

That shine over yonder

And let's bring a halt to the

Blitzen and Donder.

For now is the time to

Cease all your fighting

And shut up complaining

That you haven't got lighting.

Joy to the world

Let the Angels sing Hark!

Enjoy your cold turkey

That you eat in the dark

Forget all the chaos

Ignore all the scandals

Let's gather as one

By the light of our candles

And dwell on the things

That deserve celebration

As we dream of a brighter

More powerful nation.

Question: What did South Africa have before candles? Answer: 

Electricity.

Brass eagle

THE salvaging from the South Atlantic of a four-ton brass eagle 

is causing some embarrassment. It comes from the stern of the 

German battleship Graf Spee, which was scuttled in Montevideo 

Bay after the Battle of the River Plate in World War II, to prevent its 

falling into the hands of the British.

The bronze eagle with spread wings is a magnificent piece of 

sculpture. The embarrassing bit is that in its talons it holds a giant 

swastika.

When it was put on display in Montevideo, Uruguay, the German 

embassy protested against this display of Nazi paraphernalia.

Melt it down, boys, melt it down! If there's any problem, bring it 

to Durban. Here we have any number of specialists in melting 

down brass, copper, aluminium – anything you like. They handle 

everything from brass nameplates and street numbers to sub-
station cabling to bridge metalwork. Just look at all our collapsed 

bridges and electricity pylons. A German eagle and swastika would 

be a piece of cake.

No questions asked either.

Good news

SURELY the best bit of environmental news lately is this scheme 

to start repairing the damage done to the St Lucia Lake/estuary 

system over more than half a century.

It's been in crisis ever since I can remember. It began with the 

decision to divert the Umfolozi from its natural mouth into the lake 

and estuary, direct into the sea at a point south.

Sure, it reduced the flooding of sugar cane lands. But it caused 

siltation in the system and unsustainable salinity problems in parts 

of the lake. St Lucia was slowly dying.

Its not rocket science what the iSimangaliso Wetland Park 

authorities are up to. They're repairing some of the siltation 

damage then allowing the Umfolozi to flow (and flood) as nature 

intended.

Conservationist Ian Player spent a lifetime telling industrialists, 

miners and farmers you have to work with nature, not against it, 

otherwise you get bitten.

At St Lucia we got badly bit. But it seems we've learned our 

lesson.

Tailpiece

PRESIDENT Obama popped over to see Bill and Hillary Clinton.  After a few 

beers, he needed the bathroom.

He was astonished to find that Bill Clinton's private loo had a golden urinal. 

Wow!

Obama told Michelle about it. Later in the week, Michelle had lunch 

with Hillary and told her how impressed Barack had been with the toilet 

arrangements.

Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary said:  "I found out

who widdled in your saxophone."

Last word

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and 

nobody wants to do maintenance. 

Kurt Vonnegut

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