Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low,
Down the street in ma kilt I go,
The lassies they all call "Heigh-ho!
"Donald, whaur's yer troosers?"
Highland games
THE SCOTS clans gather at Fort Nottingham on Saturday for the Highland Gathering and Traditional Games, which include caber tossing; the weight carry - running with a huge stone until you collapse; and the kilted mile – great fun in jigajola thorn country. Plus the slightly more sedate tug-o'-war.
And, of course, pipes, drums and whisky.
Prime mover in this day of muscle and merriment is the Maclaine of Lochbuie – known to all as Drambuie – chieftain of the Maclaine clan, who actually lives in Kloof.
Drambuie it was who led a contingent of Scots desperadoes to Rustenburg way back in 1995 for Scotland's first match in the Rugby World Cup, against Ivory Coast. They warmed up first in Durban for about a fortnight, during which they entertained pubs with their rendering of the rugby song, Father Abraham, which ended with them raising their kilts, to answer the age-old question once and for all.
When they got to Rustenburg they found a pub where they proceeded to entertain the locals with Father Abraham. The finale brought the house down. Drambuie and his platoon didn't realise they'd found the only gay bar in Rustenburg.
What goes on at Fort Nottingham, I really don't know. But I'll be there in my bonnie Glengarry and will keep you informed.
I cam doon from the Isle of Skye,
I'm six feet tall and I'm awfu' shy,
The lassies call as I go by,
"Donald whaur's yer troosers?
Rare moments
THE TRADITIONAL games are also known as heavy athletics, which has its origins in those rare moments in Scotland when the clans were not feuding, there were no cattle to steal, there were no bonnie lassies to kidnap, no insults were being uttered and there were no Englishmen around.
A brief description follows of heavy athletics.
· The Caber Toss. This is confined to hairy individuals (usually male) with substantial legs who are capable of supporting a telegraph pole vertically on their shoulder… and then, after staggering a few paces forward, can turn the pole end-over-end. (John Allen, of Rugby Legends fame – he also played for Scotland, South Africa and Natal - has had his caber soaked in water for the past week. He was so remarkably adept in tossing it last year that the organisers want to make it a little heavier).
· The Weight Carry. The Fort Nottingham Braemar Stone weighs 78kgs. The technique is to hoist it onto your shoulder, then endeavour to walk as far as possible. The current record is 210m and one dislocated shoulder.
· The Kilted Mile. This sounds fairly innocuous until you see the terrain of this measured mile. Twenty percent of competitors return with some physical affliction, 30 percent return late in the afternoon, having found refreshments along the route, and the remaining 50 percent take upwards of 20 minutes to complete the course.
· Tug-o'-war. This is the only normal event by accepted standards of civilisation.
Hark when the night is falling,
Hear, hear the pipes a-calling,
Loudly and proudly calling down through the glen.
There where the hills are sleeping, feel how the blood's a-leaping,
High as the spirits of the old highland men …
Yes, the Midlands are very much like Bonnie Scotland. No better place for a Scottish gathering. Fort Nottingham is on the Midlands Meander, not too far from Howick which, I'm sure, is a misspelling of Hawick, Queen of a' the Borders.
Tea garden
THE GATHERING will also feature massed pipe bands, Scottish and Irish dancing, craft stalls, a tea garden and a beer garden.
A highlight will be when John Allen and his Rugby Legends challenge all comers to the tug-o'-war.
I bet the Rugby Legends will totally crowd out the tea garden.
Tailpiece
Definition of a Yorkshireman: A Scotsman with all the generosity squeezed out of him.
Last word
For that is the mark of the Scots of all classes: that he stands in an attitude towards the past unthinkable to Englishmen, and remembers and cherishes the memory of his forebears, good or bad; and there burns alive in him a sense of identity with the dead even to the twentieth generation. - Robert Louis Stevenson
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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