Total confusion
THE CLOSURE of Durban International Airport, making way for King Shaka, up the North Coast, has had catastrophic consequences for some of the city's senior citizens.
Members of the Memorable Order of Tin Hats (Moths) had for years used the passing over Durban of the 4.20 pm flight to Johannesburg as the signal to splice the mainbrace – that is, bring out the beers, uncork the wine or pour the gin and tonics.
Anything earlier would have been indecent. Anything later would have cut down on jollification time. They found 4.20 pm just right, and Moths would wait eagerly for the flight, bottle openers poised.
Now, of course, it leaves from La Mercy, way up the coast, and doesn't pass over Durban any more. The Moths are in total confusion, I'm told.
They need the 4.20pm equivalent of the noon gun in Cape Town. Given their background of military service, could the army not oblige?
Blue light demo
HERE'S something with a familiar ring. Demonstrators wearing blue buckets on their heads were arrested in Moscow outside the federal government buildings. The blue buckets represented the strobe lights on police cars, which have become a symbol of the country's powerful elite getting VIP treatment on the roads and going unpunished for ignoring speed limits and the rules of the road.
Road-users of the world, unite!
Unnerving
THE BLUE bucket demonstrators were arrested because they had no permission to march. Not so other Moscow demonstrators who did have permission.
These were protesters against posters of Stalin that had been put up to mark the 65th anniversary of victory in World War II.
"Putin is Stalin!" they chanted as they marched. The march was allowed.Was the chanting music to Putin's ears as he sat there in the Kremlin?
This is a little unnerving.
Celebrity turn
TONY Blair, Britain's former prime minister, has been offered a spot on the American television series, "Dancing with the Stars", according to news reports.
"Dancing with the Stars" is based on the British show, "Simply Come Dancing", which brings together reality TV, the celebrity culture and the Palais de Dance. For most people it is somewhat toe-curling.
Conrad Green, producer of the American show, says Blair would be partnered with Karina Smirnoff, a 31-year-old professional dancer.
Will Blair accept? He's raking it in with speaking engagements in the US. A spin or two with Katrina would be money for jam.
Nothing should surprise us. If the British election campaign, which ends today, has taught us one thing it is the unsurpassed flakiness of the Brits' current political class.
Retardment
HERE'S something for reflection. A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday. One child wrote the following:
"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Retardment Village where everyone lives in nice little houses and they don't have to mow the grass anymore.
"They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
"They go to a building called a Wreck Centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.
"At their gate, there is a dolls' house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.
"Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night.
"Some of the people can't get out past the man in the dolls' house. The ones who do get out bring food back to the Wreck Centre for pot luck.
"My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too.
"When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the dolls' house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren."
Rather sad.
Tailpiece
THE IRISH folksinger was unable to perform. She'd left her harp in Sam Frank's disco.
Last word
Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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