World Cup shakes out
WUNDERBAR! Verdampte Tommies! Raus, raus! Verschtinkende schweinehunde! Vot mit der goal nicht toegegewen? Hee, hee, hee! Hoo, hoo! Ich halen an der grosse Boy Louw: "Looks at der scoreboard, mein herr!" Hee, hee, hee! Lieflich, wunderbar! Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles!
As I remarked a few days ago, I've drawn Germany in a non-Fifa sweepstake on the World Cup so I have some money riding on it. But I will not allow this to colour my commentary on the competition in any way. I am absolutely dispassionate and impartial.
Hoch de Kaizer!
Unkind jokes
MEANWHILE, some unkind jokes are coming in. David Blaine is an English magician who achieved fame some years ago by sitting for weeks on end in a box dangling over the Thames from a crane.
He's said to be gutted. His record of sitting doing nothing in a box for 42 days has been broken by Wayne Rooney.
Also, they're asking what an English fan does after England wins the World Cup? He switches off his playstation.
These sports jokes are terribly cruel.
The rankings
YET SURELY everyone is proud of the way Bafana beat France (ranked fifth in the world) and drew with Mexico (ranked 17th). Does it matter that they didn't make it through to this round? Did anyone really expect they would?
Reader Dave Freshwater reminds us of the line in the old Nat King Cole number: "Many a tear has to fall, but it's all in the game, all in the wonderful game...."
A video doing the rounds by e-mail expresses similar sentiments, saying failure to qualify just doesn't matter at all, especially when weighed against what has been achieved. It urges people to:
· Choose another country to support.
· Paint your face in its colours.
· Fill the fanparks.
· Help a tourist.
· Say hello to somebody new.
· Fly the flags high.
· Be proud.
That's the spirit! Deutschland! Red, white, black and gold!
Encounters
I HAVE to confess that my personal experience of football is limited. I did once represent Natal against Pondoland on a sandbank in the Mbotyi lagoon at low tide, but that's as far as it goes. Yet I am discovering in this World Cup a spirit and camaraderie that is appealing.
At a hostelry in Florida Road the other evening I encountered a Scotsman with the Cross of St George painted on his face. He was wearing an Irish T-shirt with the slogan : "Anyone but France!" – a reference, of course, to the Thierry Henry handball atrocity in the qualifier, for which Bafana were in the end the instruments of justice.
Was he confused? It's unusual to find a Scotsman so enthusiastic about England. Anyway, in honour of Ireland, we sang a few verses of Molly Malone.
I also met up with two Americans named Jeff and Seth, who are mightily impressed with Durban. Conversation covered a range of issues. Jeff comes from Philadelphia, which reminded me of the inscription on the tombstone of WC Fields: "On the whole I'd rather be here than in Philadelphia." He took it in good part and said he'd still rather be in Durban.
It's amazing what a good impression Durban seems to have made on our overseas visitors. Perhaps I won't move to Matatiele after all.
Tailpiece
A WEALTHY businessman suffered from the most terrible migraines. The doctors seemed unable to do anything for him. In desperation, he visited an Eastern mystic. This guru told him to do naked press-ups on the lawn every evening.
With great scepticism he tried it. To his astonishment it worked. The migraines disappeared completely. Naked press-ups on the lawn became part of his routine.
Then he found himself at a business conference in London, staying at the Dorchester. No lawn. He consulted the doorman, who pointed to Hyde Park just across the road.
He was going through his press-up routine in the park that evening when a tipsy guards officer came along, on his way home from his club. He watched for a while then prodded the businessman with his umbrella.
"Old chap, you're wasting your time. She's already gone home."
Last word
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
No comments:
Post a Comment