Personal fag
BRITAIN'S coalition government is no doubt a significant turning point of some kind in the cradle of modern democracy. Meanwhile, the blogosphere is having a lot of fun satirising the public school background of the new British prime minister, David Cameron, and the inferior role of his coalition partner, Nick Clegg . An example:
"Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has said he is 'honoured' by his new appointment as personal fag to David Cameron. Under the arrangement, Mr Clegg will perform household chores for the prime minister, including pressing his trousers, brushing his jacket and polishing his shoes.
"In return, Mr Cameron will protect Clegg from being bullied by other members of cabinet. 'Of course, Clegg is not a full boarder,' said Cameron. 'He's a day boy. But rest assured, we will treat him with the respect that he deserves.'
"'This is a unique opportunity,' said Clegg. 'For some people, running around and opening doors for your fagmaster might seem demeaning. But for me this is a price that I have to pay. That and my lunch money.'
"David Cameron denied allegations that some Liberal Democrats were already being bullied after Danny Alexander was found with his head down the lavatory and Chris Huhne had to visit matron after being given a wedgie.
"'This is all part of the rough and tumble of government,' said Cameron. 'I am sure that the new boys will soon get used to this horseplay and find their rightful place in the pecking order - at the bottom.'
"Meanwhile, it is understood that Vince Cable will be expected to wear a pinny and serve tea to Chancellor George Osborne. 'This isn't exactly what I had signed up for,' said Mr Cable. 'It may take a little while getting used to my new ministerial title as Scullion'.
"Asked whether he had sold out to the prime minister, Clegg replied: 'I have made his bed, and he will lie in it.'"
That's it. Play up, play up and play the game!
Fishy Frobisher
MEANWHILE, tones of PG Wodehouse. The bloggers have still more fun:
"BRITAIN'S long, national nightmare is over as the nation is once again placed in the safe, reliable hands of some vaguely effeminate public schoolboys.
"Fishy Frobisher is in charge of the railways after three years of being governed by a rough, nasty boy from a state school who shouted at everyone and didn't like custard.
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"Cameron met a visibly relieved Queen and accepted her invitation to form a government of gentlemen before laughing their heads off about how Gordon Brown used to say 'tea' instead of 'supper'.
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"The new administration started work immediately as Downing Street released the first round of cabinet appointments including Binky, Pinky, Ponky, Porky, Splodger, Dodger, Bodger, Badger, Fishy Frobisher, good old Charlie Two-Yachts and Vince Cable.
"Last night a Treasury source insisted Mr Cable and the new chancellor, Binky Osborne, were already working well together, adding: 'They're even finishing each other's sentences. Of course the sentence does completely change its meaning half way through and ends up making no sense whatsoever, but they are at least sharing the same sentence. And that's historic."
Great stuff! I prefer it to the actual election.
More aftershocks
THE aftershocks of that 1948 cricket Test at Kingsmead, won by England off the last ball, continue to reverberate. Peter Hully, of La Lucia, says he was a youngster at the time but it now occurs to him that if Cliff Gladwin deflected the ball with his pads for the winning leg-bye, he should surely have been given out LBW.
It's 62 years ago and they didn't have the kyk-weer in those days, but so much interest is being shown in this match that perhaps somebody should organise a petition to the ICC for the result to be reviewed.
Coometh the hour, coometh the man?
Tailpiece
A WOMAN sits down on a park bench. It's a beautiful sunny day and she stretches out her legs to relax and sunbathe.
A tramp approaches: "Hi, beautiful. How's about the two of us making out?"
Woman: "How dare you! Do you think I'm a pick-up?"
Tramp: "Well you're lying in my bed!"
Last word
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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