Take-off time
TOMORROW they take the wraps off the statue of Shaka outside the new King Shaka International Airport, at La Mercy, and the place will be officially open.
I happened to be there during the week, and it's most impressive. Spacious, elegant, plenty of shops and restaurants and things and, so far as I could tell, operating like an oiled machine. And it's where an airport ought to be – far away from human habitation.
The fundis tell me its positioning also makes it the safest airport in South Africa.
For those of us who have been writing about this impending airport for the best part of 40 years, there's an air of unreality. Has it really happened?
Prediction: King Shaka International is going to become a major transport hub connecting Africa with the outside world. It's a matter of simple economics. We're on the Indian Ocean Rim. It's a lot easier and cheaper to take off in the dense atmosphere at sea level than at altitude. And take-off accounts for the bulk of an airline's fuel consumption and therefore its costs.
Why else did the Gauteng lobby fight so long and so hard against King Shaka ever happening?
More UFOs
THE BLUFF continues to buzz with stories of sightings of alien spacecraft. Several more readers have written in to the community newsletter, Bluff Stuff, reporting strange lights in the sky and out to sea. One says he saw such lights at Inanda Dam (a long way from the Bluff) while having a braai with friends.
Another says he saw a naval craft far out to sea off the Bluff. Looking at it again through binoculars, it was surrounded by rubber ducks. Obviously some kind of naval operation was in progress, probably a beach landing.
This might indeed explain a lot of the strange lights in the sky reported by Bluff householders.
On the other hand, it might be the Groot Paddas preparing to invade. Or again, it could be the potency of the stuff being smoked these days.
One Bluff gal asks how she and her workmates can get hold of Aliens HQ. They want to contact Scotty and get him to beam up all kinds of undesirable individuals, including their husbands.
The Bluff is a place of endless drama.
Amazing Spider-Man
A CASE for Spider-Man! The comic book character pounced to arrest a shoplifter in a bookstore in Adelaide, South Australia, this week.
It happened like this. Bookstore owner Michael Baulderstone was dressed up as Spider-Man for International Free Comic Day. All kinds of other comic book characters were there as well – Jedi Knights and The Flash among them.
But only Spider-Man had the nous to spot the fellow trying to lift the X-Men Omnibus, worth about R1 500. As he pounced, the crowd shrieked with laughter, thinking it was all a spoof. But it turned serious when Spiderman called the cops and handed over the shoplifter.
Of course, Spider-Man received his amazing acrobatic ability and his ability to stick to walls and ledges from being bitten as a boy by a radio-active spider.
The Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Venom, Hobgoblin and Kraven the Hunter – having defeated adversaries such as these, a shoplifter was just chickenfeed.
Now there's bling!
A STORY reaches me from the ANC Youth League. Julius Malema's son goes to Pretoria to study. A month later he sends a letter to his dad:
"Pretoria is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here. But I'm a bit ashamed to arrive at school with my Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
He gets a letter from his dad with a R10 million cheque: "Stop embarrassing us - go and get yourself a train too!"
Tailpiece
Magistrate: "The evidence before the court is that you were doing 80 in a 60 kilometres per hour zone."
Defendant: "That's a lie! I wasn't doing 80. I wasn't doing 60. I wasn't even doing 50. In fact, I …"
Magistrate: "Hold it! I'm fining you R100 before you back into something."
Last Word
It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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