The singing sandwich
WE HAVE the vuvuzela. England have the singing sandwich. British supermarket chain Tesco is selling its fiery jalapeno chicken sandwich in a special packaging which, when opened, triggers a recording of the football chant: "Ole, ole, ole, ole!" It works on the same principle as the singing greeting card.
I can't see this outdoing the vuvuzela, but it's part of the World Cup buzz. Professor Joshua Bamfield, of the Centre for Retail Research, in England, says people there are embracing the World Cup as never before.
"There is World Cup merchandise everywhere. People want a bit of fun, particularly in these depressing economic circumstances, and the World Cup is such a wonderful festival of sport. People love to have a bit of a party."
They do indeed. And not just in England.
Smoky setting
OVERSEAS television has been full of the England football side settling in to their training HQ at Rustenburg – brilliant sunshine, cloudless sky, green grass – and astonishingly cold when the sun sets. It's an idyllic setting, the plush Royal Bafokeng stadium close by, where the team won a practice match against the local club this week.
It hasn't been quite as ideal for the New Zealand side, whose training venue is Sinaba Stadium, Daveyton, on the northern outskirts of Johannesburg. Here the local populace cook over open fires every evening and keep the fires going to keep warm.
The atmosphere is full of smoke. The team could taste it in their mouths when they arrived in their bus for a late afternoon practice. Soon they could hardly see across the ground as the smog gathered. The practice was almost cancelled but in the end the New Zealanders had a light work-out and will hold their main training sessions in mid-morning when the fires are out.
The teams and visitors based in Durban have the best of it – air like champagne during the day, clear, mild evenings. If this World Cup does nothing else, it will emphasise KwaZulu-Natal's competitive advantage as a tourism venue in the southern hemisphere winter.
Tally-ho!
A HORROR story from the East End of London. A couple were enjoying a fine summer's evening when they heard cries and screams from the first-floor bedroom where their twin baby girls were sleeping.
A fox had stolen in through a patio door left open in the heat, made its way upstairs and attacked the two children, seriously savaging them. They are recovering in hospital.
The fox has since been trapped and destroyed.
Urban foxes have become an increasing problem in England. They set up their dens in vacant lots, scavenge from dustbins and are becoming unafraid of humans.
Not so in the countryside where (in spite of a law passed by Labour banning hunting with dogs, which seems to be honoured mainly in the breach), they are regularly pursued by gentry on horseback crying "Halloo!" and "Tally-ho!" You would never hear of a rural fox sneaking into a country house to attack children.
What a turnabout if the Quorn Hunt and the Berkeley were to transfer their attentions to the East End of London, galloping down the narrow streets in top hats and hunting pink, horns sounding, hallooing - jumping the garden fences.
It would frighten the life out of the foxes. Also those who believe in class war.
Medical mystery
NEWS comes in of a medical mystery in a Johannesburg hospital 's intensive care unit, where patients died in the same bed at 11am every Sunday morning - regardless of their medical condition.
It had the doctors absolutely flummoxed. There were whispers that this was the work of the Devil. Why should patients die in the same bed every Sunday morning at precisely the same time?
A team of experts was pulled together to investigate. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11am, they gathered in the ward to observe for themselves this puzzling and terrible phenomenon.
As the clock chimed eleven, in walked a cleaner. She unplugged the life support system so she could use the vacuum cleaner.
Tailpiece
WHICH English king invented the fireplace? Alfred the Grate.
Last word
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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