He tried his best
A CURIOUS case of breach of contract is before the courts in Stuttgart, Germany. A man is suing his neighbour for failing to impregnate his wife. The respondent counters that he made an honest effort but gave no guarantees.
It seems that Demetrius Sopolous and his wife Traute, a former beauty queen, were unable to have children because he was sterile. So (after calming Traute's protests) Demetrius paid his neighbour, Frank Maus, $2 500 to do the trick for him. Frank seemed a good bet – he already had two children.
The agreement was that Frank would spend three evenings a week with Traute for six months. Frank's own wife protested but was told to zip it – this was good money.
But six months later Traute was still not pregnant, even though Frank had tried a desperate 72 times. Demetrius insisted he undergo a medical check – and it turned out he too was sterile.
At which Frank's wife admitted he was not the father of her children.
And at which Demetrius demanded the return of his $2 500. But Frank won't pay it back, saying he did what he'd been engaged to do.
Who can guess what the outcome of this case will be. Certainly it would make wonderful soap opera.
Tattooed lady
A WOMAN in California has been recognised by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most comprehensively tattooed in the world.
Julia Gnuse, 55, has jungle scenes, cartoons and pictures of her favourite actors tattooed over 95% of her body.
She says it began with tattoos to disguise a skin condition on her leg, but just spread and spread. She is now addicted to the tattooist's ink.
The news snippet is accompanied by a photograph that admittedly shows rather less than 95% of her, but is impressive all the same. She positively writhes with snakes and cartoon characters. The earrings (real ones) are a nice touch.
It's not made clear what Julia's marital status is, or whether she has alternative arrangements, but she's not at all bad looking.
It must be a bit like waking up with the Bayeaux Tapestry.
Volcanic ash
I CAN'T vouch for the scientific accuracy of it, but an item that comes my way says the current volcanic eruption in Iceland has not just closed European air space at times, due to volcanic ash in the atmosphere, it has negated every single effort over the past five years to reduce carbon dioxide emissions in the interest of countering climate change.
It further says the next brush fire season in the US will negate carbon dioxide reduction programmes over the next two years.
It doesn't mention the fires that rage all over Africa during the veld burning season, nor across Australia from time to time.
It's always bothered me that the lobby for CO2 reductions never seems to mention the massive contribution of nature and wildfires to greenhouse gases.
Frequent eruptions
CAPTAIN Eric Moody, who safely brought down a British Airways flight in 1982 after volcanic ash over Indonesia temporarily closed down all four engines, has understandably made a study of volcanoes since then.
Interviewed on TV after the eruption in Iceland, he noted that a volcano erupts somewhere in the world every two or three days.
Is humanity's contribution not rather puny compared with this? Are we not being a little grandiloquent in comparing our efforts with nature's mass extinctions?
Don't relax
PLEASE don't interpret the above as any kind of argument for relaxing on pollution.
Every practice that pollutes or poisons the atmosphere, the rivers or the sea surely needs to be controlled – whether it contributes to global warming and climate change or not.
Accept reality
DON'T fight it. Here's something to settle matters, get the aggro and discord out of our lives:
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Tailpiece
Navy psychiatrist (to potential recruit): "What would you do if you looked out of that window and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
Potential recruit: "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
Psychiatrist: "Really? And where would you get a torpedo?"
Potential recruit: "The same place you got your battleship."
Last word
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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