Analysts agog
POLITICAL analysts are somewhat agog at the way the Tories and the Liberal Democrats have managed to cobble together a coalition government in Britain, resulting from the hung parliament after the inconclusive election. How can two parties with such fundamental differences work together?
The truth is that all the major parties in Britain today occupy much the same philosophical ground. The Tories are pretty awful conservatives. Labour are pretty awful socialists. The Liberal Democrats are pretty good liberals – but then so are the Tories and Labour.
It's the first coalition government in Britain since World War II. Amazing how a threat like Hitler or the collapse of the financial system can concentrate the mind.
Very naff
YET THERE'S something terribly naff about the way the wives of the party leaders were wheeled out for the cameras in that election and in the days after.
Gordon Brown holding Sarah's hand (the poor girl looked fraught) after he read his resignation statement outside No 10 Downing Street. David Cameron all lovey-dovey with Samantha on the steps of No 10 as they moved in.
This isn't soap opera. The wife of the British prime minister has no constitutional role. Why should she be used as some sort of stage prop?
A little demeaning for the wives, I'd say. The spin doctors are getting out of hand.
Motorway class
A PAGE from the diary of a BMW driver has come this way.
" I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
"First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic didn't slow down for me at all as I came off the slip road. I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway.
"The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
"Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
"Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and pushing along at 170 km/h, enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 120 km/h.
"Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.
"Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me.
"He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.
"Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast.
"Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on.
"See, now that's the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!"
Tailpiece
TWO MEXICANS are lost in the desert after crossing into the United States. They are wandering aimlessly, starving and weak. Suddenly:
Luis: "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
Pepe: "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
They struggle up the next sand dune and there in the distance is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every kind of bacon.
Luis: "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
He staggers toward the tree. But suddenly a machine opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Badly wounded, he warns Pepe: "Go back man, ees not a bacon tree!"
Pepe: "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
Luis: "Ees a ham bush!"
Last word
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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