Fluttering flags
THE CROSS of St George is prominent among the flags of the participating countries that flutter all over Durban for the Football World Cup. However, some academics suggest that the oak tree would be more appropriate as a symbol of England.
The academics, from the University of Nottingham, say the oak has been a key element of England's culture, geography and economy for thousands of years.
"St George is a peculiar symbol," says a spokesman for the group. "He was Turkish, he never visited this country and he has no particular associations with England."
However, I think we're entitled to question the academic impartiality of this campaigner for the oak. His name: Dr Markus Eichhorn.
Balloon flight
AN AMERICAN named Jonathan Trappe floated gently across the English Channel the other day in a wicker chair to which had been attached a cluster of helium-filled balloons. It took him three hours to float from Kent Gliding Club in Challock, near Ashford, to Dunkirk, in France, where he landed gently in a cabbage patch..
Thirty-six-year-old Jonathan describes the flight as peaceful, beautiful, exceptionally quiet. He could hear the sound of the waves below.
He said afterwards: "Isn't it everybody's dream? I mean, didn't you have this dream - grabbing onto a bunch of toy balloons and floating off?"
There's something very Mary Poppins about this. I wonder – is he related to the Von Trapps?
Mystery solved
SEVERAL readers have solved the mystery of the non-appearance of overseas fans for the Football World Cup. They send in an e-mail showing a still from an American television newscast.
On screen behind the newsreader is a map of South America. It's labelled "South Africa".
| Proudly South African AS VISITORS begin to arrive from all over the world for the Football World Cup, we reflect on what makes us South Africans. You know you're Proudly South African when: · You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume". · You call a traffic light a "robot". · You call a pick-up truck a "bakkie" · You call a barbecue a "braai" · The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are. · You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and have no idea what it means in any of them. · You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer. · You know the laws of rugby better than any referee. · More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election. · People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence, Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation. · "just now" can mean anything from a minute to a month. · You wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis. · Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle oj the highway. · A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes. · Prisoners go on strike. · You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car. · Rwandan refugees start leaving because the crime rate is too high. |
Confucian view
THE WISDOM of Confucius: "A lion would never betray his wife …but a Tiger Wood …"
Prompt action
MORE from Bill Bryson's Bizarre World (Warner Books):
When her house was invaded by wasps, a woman in Wellington, New Zealand, made a desperate phone call to the Department of Agriculture and was told that a circular on pest control would be put in the mail to her within a day or two.
| Tailpiece TWO supermarket trolleys collide, one pushed by an older man, the other by a youngster.
Youngster: "That's OK. It's a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her anywhere."
Older man: "Maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" Youngster: "She's 24 , tall, blonde, big blue eyes, long tanned legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts and a halter top with no bra. What does your wife look like?"
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Last word
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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