Side-splitting stuff
AN ENTRANCING feature of the Football World Cup is the touchline antics of Argentina coach Diego Maradona.
I'd no idea the man is so pint-sized. And there he was in the match against Nigeria, togged out in a suit that looked like something for the London Hippodrome, running up and down scowling and pulling faces and giving impressions of pain and dementia. Side-splitting stuff! He's like Charlie Chaplin and Tickey the Clown rolled into one.
Final touch. When the referee's whistle sounded for Argentina to run out 1-0 winners, a Maradona lookalike – they could have been twins - rushed out of the tunnel and embraced him.
Hilarious! I didn't realise such top-flight entertainment was laid on.
Ayoba!
WHAT does this World Cup slogan "Ayoba!" actually mean? I've never heard the word before. I watched the opening match last week with a fluent linguist and he's never heard it either.
We asked a few Zulus in the crowd. Nor had they ever encountered the word. One said he was sure it was made up specially for the World Cup, but had no idea what it was supposed to mean.
It sounds and looks like an Nguni word, not from the Sotho/Tswana group of languages. Is it an acronym? It would be interesting to know.
Cocksy's call
IT RECALLS a breakfast I had a few months ago with Dick Cocks, the Aussie rugby stalwart who came out here in the 70s, played rugby for Natal, became a selector for Natal, married a Natal girl then took her back to the land Down Under.
Cocksy was out here on his own. They made a point, he told us, of always giving their Australian dogs Zulu names. The latest was Della.
Della? This did not sound to any of us like a Zulu name. Nor to the Zulu staff we consulted at the place we were breakfasting. They had never heard any such word. But Cocksy was insistent. The name was definitely Della.
Eventually he settled it by dialling the frau on his cellphone, getting her out of bed in Wagga Wagga or wherever at some unearthly hour: "G'day Sweetheart. Tell me, what's the dog's name?"
It turned out it was Sondela, meaning "come here".
I wonder if Cocksy is camping incognito at Kingsmead?
Chuggalug, chuggalug!
ON SUNDAY night I happened to be in the newspaper office assisting with the editing of World Cup material. Volumes were heavy. We worked late. On my way home, I dropped in at a certain Florida Road hostelry for restorative medicine.
Stone the flamin' crows, mate – there were more Aussies in the place than you find in Wagga Wagga! Blokes, sheilas, chuggalug, chuggalug! Tie me kangaroo down, sport! Starve the flamin' lizards! Whacko the diddle-oh!
I presumed they were on their way back from church.
If …
THIS is not Kipling's If but another If:
If you can get going without pep pills ...
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains ...
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles ...
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it ...
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time ...
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong ...
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment …
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him …
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend …
If you can face the world without lies and deceit …
If you can conquer tension without medical help …
If you can relax without liquor …
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs …
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, colour, religion or politics ...
Then you are almost as good as your dog.
Tailpiece
What is a country song played backwards?
Your wife gets back with you, your dog comes back to life, your car starts, you get your job back and life is great.
Last word
If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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