Skinnydipping at Mpenjati
THEY need to think very seriously about these proposals to establish a nudist beach at Mpenjati, on the South Coast.
It's not so much the issue of nudism, or otherwise, it's an issue of good or bad taste and the potential assault on the senses. How can we be sure that the Mpenjati skinnydippers will be of the stature and general appearance that one would want to see in the nude?
And what of the mania these days to adorn oneself with tattoos? Can you imagine anything more ghastly than a beach full of naked bodies, positively writhing with dragons and other bits of the tattooist's art on the more wobbly bits? The mind recoils from the very thought.
Those awful nose rings and tongue studs would no doubt move to other parts of the body for display on a nudist beach. Horrors!
As I say, this needs very careful consideration. The Hibiscus Coast could be about to unleash a monster.
Boredom?
MORE from the latest grumpy newsletter of investment analyst Dr James Greener. He speculates that the reason for the stepping down of Reserve Bank governor Gill Marcus after just one term of office could be sheer boredom.
"The 'no change to the repo rate' announcement came after a three-day meeting. It is terrifying to even try to imagine the amount of brain-numbing waffle and data nit-picking that must have taken place in order to fill all that time.
"Three months ago the same team edged the rate up a near imperceptible quarter of a percent, but now whatever demons were spotted then appear to have disappeared.
"Another annoyance in the job might be polite but firm calls late at night from Nkandla or Luthuli House with suggestions of how things should be. The now aborted AngloGold unbundling deal noted that guidance on various matters had been received from the Reserve Bank. And the African Bank debacle must have been very wearying for the governor too. Ms Marcus must hopefully be off to do something far more fun."
Tube race
A LONDON commuter jumped off the Circle Line tube train at Mansion House station, sprinted up the stairs and then hared down to Cannon Street station, one stop away.
There he jumped into the same Circle Line carriage he had just left, to the applause of fellow-commuters.
The dash took James Heptonstall 80 seconds and involved running up or down 75 steps and going through two ticket barriers.
It makes a change from doing the crossword.
Zombies
A CITY in China has divided a pavement into two lanes – one for people using smartphones. It's a good idea. The Chongqing City authorities want to avoid smartphone-users bumping into other pedestrians as they (the smartphone-users) go about their idiotically obsessed business.
But it didn't work. The smartphone-users were so engrossed in their gadgetry they didn't read the signage setting aside part of the pavement for them and just carried on as before.
The smartphone zombie – this is a challenge of our times.
Pas op!
CAREFUL how you tread. The police at Richards Bay had to detonate a World War II depth charge dropped in Lake Mzingazi by a Catalina flying boat. It became exposed as the water level dropped in the current drought.
The RAF Catalinas were based at Durban, St Lucia and Lake Mzingazi and they conducted long-range patrols against enemy submarines.
At St Lucia a spot on the Eastern Shores is known as Catalina Bay, after one of the flying boats that crashed there but has since been buried in silt. What not everyone realises is that this Catalina crashed with a full payload of depth charges, not one of which has ever detonated.
Would they have rusted away by now into nothingness? The one at Lake Mzingazi hadn't.
Tailpiece
A PARSON is walking down the street when he notices a small boy trying to reach a doorbell. He steps up behind him and gives the bell a good, hard ring. Then he crouches to the child's level, smiles and says: "How's that, my little man?"
"Thanks – but now we must run like blazes!"
Last word
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
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