Grace's lightning study
GRACE Mugabe, wife of Zimbabwean President Robert, has been awarded a PhD in sociology by the University of Zimbabwe after two months of study.
Chancellor of the University of Zimbabwe is, er, President Robert.
Rob Nicolai, Howick's renowned theoretical physicist, says he's surprised. When he heard Grace had a PhD, he assumed it must be in astrophysics.
"Only her husband's party has caused inflation even remotely similar to the hyper-inflation proposed in the Big Bang theory?
"This is extraordinary as the theory states that the cosmos of empty space had to expand faster than the speed of light and that is against a vital principle of physics. I thought Grace could clarify this conundrum as she got her PhD a mere two months after enrolling, showing that physical limits of space and time cannot restrain her.
"But her husband Bob is the chancellor who awarded her a PhD in sociology so it has to be legit. A PhD in sociology awarded by a sociopath is beyond reproach."
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Thabo's library
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter that the excited spokesman for Unisa, which will be home to the Thabo Mbeki Presidential Library, has introduced some new ideas.
"According to him it will become a 'living library' that will address knowledge production and peace building.
"That's a far cry from the collection of dog-eared Marxist tomes, dodgy medical research papers, yellowing newspaper clippings, fading internet print-outs and used pipe cleaners that many of us would have expected to see in a collection of the previous president's archives."
Giant squid
SCIENTISTS in New Zealand are examining a colossal squid, hauled by fishermen to the surface from almost 2km deep in the freezing and remote Ross Sea, in Antarctica.
It weighs 350kg and is the length of a minibus. The scientists believe sightings of such giant squids gave rise to the ancient fables about sea monsters.
On the other hand, have they frisked this one for six-guns? It just could be the legendary Billy the Squid.
Rome
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "When in Rome be an awkward bastard – do as the Belgians do!"
Fall-out starts
MORE news from Scotland. Fall-out from the nationalists' failed referendum begins.
Alex Salmond, leader (for now) of the Scottish National Party, was visiting a Scottish primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Salmond if he would like to lead discussion on the word "tragedy".
So he asked the class for an example of "tragedy".
A little boy stood up: "If ma best freen, wha' lives on a ferm, is playin' in the field and a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a tragedy."
"Incorrect", said Alex "That would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus kerryin' fifty children drove ow'r a cliff, killing a'body inside, that wid be a tragedy"
'I'm afraid not. That's what we would refer to as a great loss''.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room a wee lad raised his hand and, in a quiet voice, said: "If a plane kerryin' you and your deputy wiz struck by a 'freendly fire' missile and blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy."
"Fantastic! And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Weel, it has tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss, and it probably widnae be an accident either!"
Who can blame Salmond for announcing his stepping down?
That tour
READER Geoffrey Bentham, of Westville, points out that on the triumphant 1937 rugby tour the Springboks also beat Australia twice – 9-5 and 26-17 – before going on to their 2-1 series victory in New Zealand.
He confirms that the Boks had no coach in those days. The manager on that tour was PW Day and his assistant was A de Villiers.
Tailpiece
CRUISE passenger: "I wish to complain. I went to my cabin and there was a common seaman using my shower."
Purser: "What do you expect in second class? The captain?"
Last word
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
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