Auto versus microchip
HAS THE AGE of the automobile given way entirely to the microchip? Or are the auto people fighting back?
News comes this way from America. At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry and made this point: If Ford had kept up with technology the way the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1 000 miles to the gallon.
At which Ford issued a statement making a few of their own points. If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, our cars would have the following characteristics:
* For no reason whatsoever, they would crash twice a day.
· Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
* Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the engine, restart it and re-open the windows before you could continue.
* Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
* Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
*The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
* The airbag system would ask: "Are you sure?" before deploying.
* Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
* Every time a new car was introduced, buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
* You would have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
* When all else failed, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and get instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself.
Yes, both technologies have their pitfalls. Given the price of fuel, why not go back to the age of the horse?
Reflection
READER Stanley Fraser reflects on President JZ' s statement on God, government and the curse that will befall those who are disrespectful of authority.
If there is a connection between God and State
What does He think of Nkandlagate?
If to criticise our leaders means a curse
Surely keeping quiet is even worse?
Apres nous …
GRAY Braatvedt takes further yesterday's Tailpiece about the petrol tank that got filled with BP.
"Someone stole my blueprint for a honey farm. I have no Plan B."
Stand by for a deluge of such jokes. Sigh! Have I unleashed a monster?
Immortal wisdom
WILL Rogers, American cowboy, vaudeville entertainer and philosopher died in 1935, yet his sayings are still going around:
· Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
· Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
· There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
· Never miss a good chance to shut up.
· Always drink upstream from the herd.
· If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
· The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
· Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
· Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
Busty bird
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I was in the lift when this busty bird got in. Sensational! I couldn't help staring. She said: 'Would you please press one?' So I did. Boy, she's got a right hook on her, that busty bird!"
Tailpiece
"How was the op?"
"It went fine. But terrible repercussions."
"How so? You don't need your wisdom teeth."
"No? Then how come I proposed marriage to my girlfriend as soon as I came round?"
Last word
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours.
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