A tank biathlon
RUSSIA took first and second places in a "tank biathlon" world championship held outside Moscow last weekend. Teams from 12 countries participated, taking tanks over obstacle courses and shooting at targets with machineguns and their heavy guns.
Competing were teams from Angola, Armenia, Belarus, Venezuela, India, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, China, Kuwait, Mongolia, Russia and Serbia.
A tank crew from Kazakhstan took third place.
Is this a sign of the times? Some of us still prefer the Olympic Games.
Bok-bok
BUT does the above necessarily reflect a deteriorating international situation, a manifestation of the Ukraine and the Middle East?
It seems the Russians have invited the Americans to participate in another tank biathlon, just to show there are no hard feelings – sporting competition, both nations learn to play nice with heavy artillery.
The invitation was apparently extended while Secretary of State John Kerry and Defence Secretary Chuck Hagel met with their Russian counterparts, Sergei Lavrov and Sergei Shoigu, in Washington.
It could be progress. When the diplomats can de-escalate the thing to arm-wrestling and Swedish finger-wrestling, we'll be making real headway.
And the day bok-bok comes to the UN Security Council – that's the day South Africa comes into its own.
Drones
PETER Quantrill, historian and former officer in the British Gurkha Regiment, suggests a hi-tech military contribution to solving the rhino poaching problem.
Drones, he says, could patrol the electrified border of Kruger Park. They are relatively inexpensive and their controllers could relay instantly to rangers on the ground any poacher incursion.
"Alternatively, drones are armed with the capability of stopping incursions with air-to-ground missiles. A single successful drone action would put an immediate stop to any potential incursions. Volunteers to make border incursions would dissipate with more than a tad of alacrity.
"Force to be met with force is a realistic approach if we are to preserve the rhino in their current environment."
Jamboree
THEY'RE holding a Musical Jamboree in Morningside tomorrow evening, in aid of Sing Inchanga, a project to develop music in the schools of the Valley of a Thousand Hills.
And when they say jamboree, they really mean jamming it. London pianist David Tims and his band will be putting on Rhythm and Blues, Soul and all kinds of classics.
It's at the Jazzy Rainbow in Goble Road, starting at 8pm. Tickets: R50. Further information: Diana – 082-7090028; David – 072-6618854.
Sing Inchanga has been running for a couple of years. It began when David Sims became involved, through his school in England, with a similar project in the Valley. He has continued it now he has left school.
Park puzzle
READER Dave Hudson sends in some pictures of signs in Bulwer Park, Glenwood. One appeals to people to use the public toilets, not the open spaces of the park.
But this has him puzzled as the public toilets fell into disuse about 15 years ago. They were burnt out by fire.
"Maybe they mean people to go to Berea Park. I don't know of toilets any closer."
Chivalry
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I didn't hold open the door for this bird. She said: 'I guess the age of chivalry is dead!' So I challenged her to a cage fight."
Tailpiece
A man in northern Minnesota, in the US, wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the Yellow Pages and dials "Up North Bear Removers." The bear remover says he'll be over within the hour. He arrives and gets out of his van. He has a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-bore shotgun, and a mean-looking, heavily scarred old pitbull.
"What are you going to do?" the home-owner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off the roof, the pitbull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the home-owner.
"What's this for?"
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."
Last word
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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