Forty-year timewarp?
IT'S FORTY years since the Pascagoula incident, in Mississippi, in which two Americans said they encountered a UFO and its occupants while on a fishing expedition.
Calvin Parker jr and Charles Hickson said they were fishing on the banks of the Pascagoula River when the UFO with blue lights swooped down on them making a zipping noise.
Three grey, wrinkly-skinned, crab-clawed creatures took them by the forearms and levitated them on board the craft, where they were medically examined by a large, floating eye. They were conscious but paralysed.
Then suddenly they were back on the banks of the Pascagoula and the UFO was gone.
Hickson has since died. Parker says his life has been a misery ever since the story broke. He has spent decades shifting from job to job, avoiding the spotlight. But a news agency tracked him down and spoke to him on the 40th anniversary of his experience.
What are we to make of this? Was this Obamacare somehow projected forward in a 40-year timewarp? Blue lights and a zipping sound? Was this a KwaZulu-Natal mayoral bodyguard group in the same timewarp?
What do we really understand of the universe and time? Surely we need to be charitable toward Calvin Parker jr.
Kicking the can
ECONOMICS fundi Tom Dennen, who hails from the US, recalls an episode that casts doubt on the federal government ever resolving the deficit and balancing the books.
"Back in 1990 the government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel, in Nevada, for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed.
"Now Americans are entrusting the economy of the country, the banking system, the auto industry and possibly the health care plans to the same nitwits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling whisky?
"What the hell are they thinking?"
Yep, just keep kicking the can down the road.
Parachute club
A SENIOR citizen writes:
"Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. As if sitting around and drinking wine is not a good thing.
"Talking about my 'doing something useful' seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She said that she was 'only thinking of me' and suggested I go down to the senior centre and hang out with the guys.
"I did this and when I got home last night I e-mailed her and told her I had joined a parachute club.
"Next thing she's one the phone: 'Are you nuts? You're 73 and now you're going to start jumping out of aeroplanes?' I e-mailed a copy of my membership card to her.
"She phoned again: 'Are you off your trolley, where are your glasses? This is membership of a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!'
"'Oh dear,' I say. 'I'm in trouble again am I? Really, I don't know what to do now ... I signed up for five jumps a week and prepaid.'
"The line went quiet and then her friend comes on and says she's fainted.
"Life as a senior citizen doesn't get any easier but it can be fun …"
Lagoon life
IS THERE a danger of the Olympic athletes getting crocked in 2016? Thousands of caimans - crocodile-like creatures - have set up home in a lagoon near some of the main Olympic Games sites in Rio de Janeiro.
Conservationists say as many as 6 000 caimans are now living in a large lagoonystem in the densely-populated neighbourhoods west of the city centre. But they are not considered a threat to humans, being smaller and less aggressive than crocodiles or alligators.
They have moved in because pollution has raised the water temperature, making the lagoons attractive to caimans.
Will they invade the Olympic pools? Can Chad le Clos outswim a caiman?
Upgrade OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I was reading about how this passenger had to land a plane after the pilot fell ill at the controls." "Yeah, Ryanair have since charged him for his seat upgrade."
Tailpiece
SUNDAY school teacher: "How many wives is a man allowed to have?"
Johnny: "Sixteen."
Teacher: "Sixteen? Who told you that?"
Johnny: "It's in the marriage service: :Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse."
Last word
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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