Solar flares, crossed lines
THOSE solar flares – bursts of magnetic energy from the surface of the sun – were no doubt responsible for the hijinks with our cellphones, internet banking and so forth a couple of days ago.
'Twas a little irritating. As some of you already know, I have a state of the art cellphone with a little handle that I crank. This gets me through direct to the Nkandla Exchange, where you get the latest stock exchange prices in New York, London, Tokyo and elsewhere; the latest spread betting odds in the world of sport; high tide and low tide; the latest cricket scores; and a general rundown on the day's activities from Mac.
But those pesky solar flares were interfering. The line crackled and faltered. Then I got a crossed line. It was a lady giving some poor guy quite an earful. She sounded a long way away, like in Cape Town. He seemed to be there in Nkandla.
Oh boy! Ha, ha, ha! Hee, hee, hee! Hoo, hoo! Hell hath no fury … Hey, sock it to him, baby!
Who was it either end? Can't say, I'm afraid. My lips are sealed. Bad form to listen in to party lines and crossed lines, solar flares or no solar flares. But what an ear-bashing! Poor guy.
Fancy watch
IN AMERICA, they're working on what they call the Ritot watch, which will use a digital light procession (DLP) matrix to beam the time onto the back of the wearer's hand.
No, I don't know what that means either, but what's the point of having the time beamed on to the back of your hand when you already have it on the face of a watch on your wrist?
Ah, but the Ritot watch will also be able to show texts, Facebook updates, tweets and caller ID if hooked up to a smartphone.
Phooey! I bet it doesn't have a little handle you crank to get through to the Nkandla exchange.
Suh! Suh!
IS THIS really a dog? Jiff the Pomeranian, from Los Angeles, California, wears cute little shorts and a cute little striped sweater.
He walks on his hind legs (which quite a lot of dogs can do) and – astonishingly – on his forepaws as well.
He does 10m on his hind legs in 6.56 seconds and 5m on his forepaws in 7.76 seconds. He can shake hands, bow, skateboard and even stamp autographs.
Being a Pomeranian, he looks disturbingly more like an animated child's toy than a dog.
Send him after a rat, I say. They're making a fool of him in Los Angeles.
Faking it?
A GIANT panda has been accused of faking signs of pregnancy so she would be given five-star treatment - plenty of extra buns, fruit and bamboo shoots, as well as air conditioning.
Ai Hin was having them all on, according to her keepers at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Research Centre, in China. They were so thrilled they were even preparing to film the birth.
However, tests have now revealed that Ai Hin never was pregnant. The experts believe she was putting on an act. She had learned to fake the signs of pregnancy after associating it with being pampered.
Eh? Either female giant pandas are super-crafty or Chinese zookeepers are super-touchy about being wrong.
Jamming it
THE musos rally round. Some of Durban's top performers will be razzling it at LIVE-the Venue in Stamford Hill Road, Greyville, on Thursday, September 18, in a benefit concert for one of their number.
Glen Turrell, who began his musical career while still at school, is in urgent need of back surgery. Glen played brass in the Natal Mounted Rifles military band and saxhorn and tenor trombone in Hugh Hind's band.
Then he switched to the guitar and has played with The Kinsmen, the Dave Anthony Quartet and Larry and the Lounge Lizards.
Performing at the benefit concert will be The Reals, The Danny Fisher Show Band, Andy Turrell, Sebastian Goldswain and Martin Sigamoney. This is some line-up. MC will be Colin Peddie from Rise.
Tickets: R100. They can be bought at the door or contact lynns@selbys.co.za .
Tailpiece
WHY do female spiders kill the male after mating?
It's to stop the snoring before it starts.
Last word
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
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