Man U didn't lose
LAST weekend was not great for rugby fans. The Boks blew it and so did the Sharks. But we did win the cricket in Zimbabwe and Bafana Bafana beat Sudan.
And, as a Yorkshireman pointed out in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties the other evening, at least Manchester United didn't lose – they didn't play.
Ee ba goom! These Yorkshire folk can be cruel.
Cards
MEANWHILE, Stan Sharratt agrees that referees should not be allowed to ruin a rugby match by sending off players.
"Rugby is played by two teams consisting of 15 players in each team. Any change to this number ruins the entertainment spectacle.
"I offer the following solution: A yellow card penalty requires a player to be sent off. So be it. But he must then be replaced by a player off the bench (the coach's selection) for the 10 minutes, and the two players will then swap.
"Why should a yellow card be a double penalty? The penalty kick will be taken.
"A red card penalty requires a player to be sent off for the remainder of the game. But then his place should be taken by someone from the bench for the remainder of the game, with the bench reduced by one so the coach will have less options to change players later in the game. The penalty kick will be taken. Citing can follow if necessary.
"I believe Naas Botha is also in favour of keeping 30 players on the field."
Absolutely. This sending off of players is destructive of the modern game where competition is so intense and matters are generally so evenly balanced. It is also redolent of a bygone age when bounders, rotters and cads were sent for an early shower for unsporting behaviour, such as seizing of the family jewels or flatulence in the scrum.
Rifle saga
THIS week's Tailpiece about the shoe repairs that took 11 years plus a few days reminds Gray Braatvedt of the saga of his army rifle in the days of the call-up.
"Shortly after reporting for my two-year stint in the army we were issued our well-used R1 rifles. On close inspection back in the barracks I noticed a curve in the barrel so I returned it to the Quartermaster's stores.
"Instead of issuing me with a replacement they took it in to be repaired and issued me with a slip. I protected that slip with my life.
"Every Monday morning I would go to the Quartermaster's stores and check if it had returned but it was never there. The 200m trek across to the stores and back would take me about two hours, just about the time the rest were on the parade ground.
"I went through the whole of basics without ever having to clean and present a rifle for inspection or carry one while marching. It even got to the stage where I had to iron the slip and set it out neatly on my bed for inspection.
"Well into second phase training we were issued with R4 rifles and it was then that my R1 was found at the very bottom of a pile at the back of the gun safe where a tiffie had thrown it the first day I handed it back, and it was never sent for repair.
"I also got through the whole of basics without a name tag because they could never spell my name properly and I refused to wear Braadvelt, Broadvet or any other variant they tried."
An illustrious military career, to be sure.
Not cricket
TWITCHER Mike Oldfield points out that the bird pictured on Monday eating a cricket on the pitch during the one-day international between South Africa and Australia was not a "white stork", as Associated Press maintained. It was a cattle egret.
"Nice picture though," he says.
Reader JP Sharrock echoes him: "It appears more likely to be an egret."
Says Zac Graham: "Calling an egret a stork catching a cricket at the cricket is just not cricket."
I must say I also wondered. I thought it might be a crow that had fallen in a bucket of whitewash.
Tailpiece
"Hi, honey, I'm home."
"I'm not talking to you."
"Oh … okay."
"Don't you want to know why?"
"No dear, I respect and trust your decision."
Last word
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
George Bernard Shaw
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